And now -- because it is Talk Like A Pirate Day, and also because 2020 just punched us in the face again by taking Ruth Bader Ginsburg from us -- the Blob has decided to get in the torturin' spirit of things by making your day even worse than it already was.
It's time to check in with my cruddy Pittsburgh Pirates again!
(But first, a word about RBG: Her death steals from the world one of the giants of her time, while at the same time again revealing the smallness of her ideological opposites. It took Moscow Mitch McConnell all of 90 minutes after she died to announce he would violate his own edict and ram through her replacement before the November election. This immediately drew him even with Our Only Available Impeached President in the hotly contested Worst Person In America race.)
But back to my cruddy Pirates.
The Cruds are now 15-36 and planted like a mighty oak in last place in all of baseball, with no challengers anywhere visible. They're the worst team in the National League by five games and the worst in both leagues by three games. After 51 games, they're 16 games out of first in the NL Central. And their 5-20 road record is matched only by the Texas Rangers, who are also 5-20 away from home.
So if you're a Crud or a Crud fan and you're talking like a Pirate today, here's what you're saying:
"Arrrr, does this benighted season ever end? Or must we suffer until Judgment trump?"
"Arrrr, fetch me another flagon of ale, matey. Watching this team brings a mighty thirst."
"Arrrr, where's the scurvy lot who put this team together? To the yardarm with 'em!'
And last but not least ...
"Arrrr, where's me favorite cutlass? All these flagons of ale have put me in the mood to board the front office and lop off a few of their mewling blackguard heads! God's blood but THAT will set things to right!"
Arrrr. If only.
No comments:
Post a Comment