Sunday, November 4, 2018

Conspiracy this

Look, I don't know. Maybe Nick Saban really is the Evil Puppet Master, and everyone in college football dances to whatever tune he chooses.

What I do know is it wouldn't be college football if people didn't occasionally wind up sitting in a corner babbling to themselves, like crazy old Alex Jones only wearing face paint in the alma mater's colors. And so here came political analyst and notorious LSU fan James Carville to ESPN's Gameday yesterday, saying there was a conspiracy afoot to keep Alabama's well-oiled machine humming along.

Asked about LSU linebacker Devin White's suspension for half the big showdown against 'Bama, Carville raved that the SEC was behind this, that the conference consistently seemed to suspend opponents' best defensive players just about the time they were to play Alabama.

Craven, compromised souls that they are, ESPN  issued an on-air apology to SEC commissioner Greg Sankey for Carville's Geaux Tigers-induced paranoia, rather than just rolling with it like the time-honored fun it was. But then, ESPN and the SEC are business partners. And so no fun needed apply.

On the other hand, Alabama proceeded to march into Death Valley and poleax the No. 3 Tigers 29-0. So much for that conspiracy theory.

Truthfully, it's hard to see at this point who's going to give 'Bama a game, unless the Giants or Raiders are relegated to college football. Prior to last night, you could take comfort in the deceptive narrative that Alabama was a paper Tide beating up on a succession of 98-pound weaklings, given that the SEC this year is a pale imitation of its usual self. But snuffing out LSU with such ruthless efficiency, in one of college football's most intimidating environments, consigned that narrative to the flames.

Truth is, 'Bama is indeed a machine, and over there in South Carolina, Clemson is a machine, and so it seems pretty obvious we're going to wind up with the same old storyline. Which is to say, 'Bama and Clemson trading haymakers for the national title, with Notre Dame and perhaps Michigan appearing as Those Guys Who Got Drill-Pressed In The Semis.

The Irish, having gotten by pesky Northwestern last night in Chicago, are 9-0 and seem destined now to finish unbeaten. Michigan, meanwhile, has only that opening loss to Notre Dame on its resume, and gets stronger every week. Yesterday the Wolverines trampled a decent Penn State team 42-7, and, like Notre Dame, it's looking less and less likely they're going to lose again.

Of course, it's still college football, so one supposes anything could happen. Notre Dame could stumble against, I don't know, Syracuse, who's 7-2. Urban Meyer could beat Jim Harbaugh again, per the usual. Alabama quarterback Tua Tagovailoa's iffy knee could finally give out, and Georgia could rise up and knock out the Crimson Tide in the SEC title game.

Also, pigs could fly.

No, really. They could.

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