It's the day before Turkeycide Day, when we commemorate that moment when the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock and decorated the first big tree they saw with bubble lights and Cubs ornaments, and then everyone gathered around the Yule log to eat turkey and wait for Santa Claus to show up bearing the Detroit Lions, and also gifts.
Or, you know, something like that.
Anyway ... on this occasion when we all pause to give thanks, the Blob, which loves its lists, has come up with a list of stuff to be thankful for. Here ya go:
1. Speaking of lists, you can take Charles Manson off your Christmas card list.
2. Our Only Available President got those three UCLA basketball players out of China, something only he could have done according to Our Only Available President, even though it worked out exactly the way the Chinese planned for it to.
3. There remains a remote statistical probability that, somewhere in America, some male in a position of power has not yet groped a female subordinate.
4. Nathan Peterman is still employed, which means there is still a thriving market in the NFL for incompetent white quarterbacks who don't make waves.
5. Rick Pitino: Ready NOW to meet all your basketball and implausible deniability needs.
6. Jerry Jones: Ready NOW to distract you from anthem protests by challenging Roger Goodell to a duel, or maybe just a bare-knuckle fistfight.
7. The NBA season is now only five months or so from hitting its stride.
8. "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime" has been played only 1,234 times so far.
9. There is not yet a law that requires you to go to Walmart on Black Friday.
10. This. Always.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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