So I see by the Colts-Titans boxscore that Colts quarterback/latest human sacrifice Jacoby Brissett was sacked eight times Sunday, which means that so far this season he's been sacked more than 40 times.
This makes me wonder if the standard gear for a Colts QB these days should include the following:
A. Helmet.
B. Jersey and uniform pants.
C. Pads.
D. Blindfold.
E. Cigarette (optional).
It also makes me wonder if a Colts QB should, like all condemned men, be given anything he wants to eat every Sunday morning before taking the field. And if "Indianapolis" now has a more sinister connotation than "Devil's Island" or "Alcatraz" as a place of exile for the aforementioned condemned.
If nothing else, the Colts' amazing ability to subject their quarterbacks to symbolic dismemberment ("Hey, Jacoby, is this your leg?" "Naw, that's Andrew's") would seem to be an effective means of making sure your quarterback sticks to the game plan.
COACH MCADOO: Eli! What was that?
ELI MANNING: I didn't think that play would work, so I audibled out of it.
MCADOO: You're not allowed to do that! This is the modern NFL, where quarterbacks aren't allowed to think for themselves! Who do you think you are?
ELI (boldly): I think I'm the guy who has a better view of what the defense is doing than you do.
MCADOO: Really? Well, we'll we see about that. How 'bout I place a phone call to Indianapolis? Hmmm?
(Brief moment of horrified silence)
ELI (much less boldly): OK, fine. I won't do it again. Please, don't make me go THERE. Please.
MCADOO (smugly): That's better.
I'll be here all week, folks.
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