And now a special Halloween edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature of which terrified moviegoers have shrieked "Aiee!", and "I thought this thing was DEAD!", and "Don't open that door! That stupid NFL thing is behind it!":
1. Don't open that door! Deshaun Watson is behind it, wielding another razor-sharp touchdown!
2. Don't open that door! The Indianapolis Colts are behind it, wielding another razor-sharp defeat!
3. And then, rising from the primordial ooze, a horrifying vision of corrupted humanity. Bill Belichick LIVED!
4. And so did BOB MCNAIR!
5. The door banged open, and in shuffled the Ghost of Jay Cutler Past, wearing the chain he forged in life.
6. The door banged open, and in shuffled the Ghost of Bears Quarterbacks Past. It was Bobby Douglass! "I am here for your welfare, Mitch Trubisky," he said, staring fixedly at some long-dead horror.
7. Sometimes, in the dead of night, Trevor Siemian could hear the awful scuttling of the bench, beckoning him in a greedy whisper. "Treeeee-vorrr ... Treeee-vorrr ..."
8. Sometimes, in the dead of night, Chuck Pagano could hear the awful scuttling of his pink slip, beckoning him in a greedy whisper. "Chuuuuuck ... Chuuuuuuck ..."
9. Aiee! The Browns!
10. Aiee! The 49ers! (Jimmy Garoppolo version)
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