Sunday, April 9, 2017

Why people watch golf

The Blob will be straight about this: It's not a golf watcher.

I have never spent an afternoon on my couch, watching the Greater Velveeta Open. I have never been riveted by that stirring duel between Billy Bob Logo Cap and Jimbo Other Logo Cap for the right to lift the Geico Electrolux Wendy's Baconator Cup at Pesticide Hills Country Club in Where The Heck Are We, Iowa. Given a choice, I'll watch Jimmie Johnson instead of Rickie Fowler almost any day -- and that's saying something, considering NASCAR isn't really my thing, either.

But today?

Today I'll watch.

Today I'll watch, because if there's a lot of things like the Greater Velveeta Open, there's almost nothing like the last round of the Masters (and, especially, the last nine holes). And this year might top them all.

I mean, the storylines are stepping all over themselves, aren't they?

Up there at the top of the leaderboard you've got Olympic champ Justin Rose tied with Sergio Garcia, who's never won a major and has been pursuing one for so long his five-o'clock shadow is now flecked with gray. You've got Jordan Spieth, who in three Masters starts has never finished lower than second, looming two strokes back despite his disastrous first round. You've got Fowler one stroke back, and Adam Scott three strokes back, and the likes of Lee Westwood, Rory McIlroy, Paul Casey, Matt Kuchar and Charl Schwartzel all within striking distance if it goes south on the leaders.

In other words, the top of the leaderboard is stuffed with somebodies. There's even a Billy Bob Logo Cap (Charley Hoffman) in there just for seasoning, and also for steadfast believers in fairy tales.

So, yeah, I'll watch -- mainly because all sorts of bizarre stuff happens in the last round of a Masters, and I'm a big fan of bizarre stuff. Unpredictability is what makes sports worth the watching, after all. And hardly anything is more unpredictable than the last round of the Masters.

Especially this year. Especially today.

"It's gonna be fun," an acquaintance acknowledged last night.

 That's the only thing you can accurately predict about today. Ain't it glorious?

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