Look, it's not like I didn't know what was coming. Didn't I say to one and all that my Pittsburgh Pirates were doomed? Didn't I say, look, they haven't gotten an earned run off Jake Arrieta since 1969, why do you think they're gonna start now?
And then there's Kyle Schwarber. Don't even get me started on that guy.
But, hey, hope springs eternal, even if, when it does, it's wearing its clothes backwards and thinks cheese curls are a food group. So, yes, I put on the sacred Clemente jersey. Yes, I sat directly beneath the sacred Clemente photo (standing on first, looking regal). And, yes, I put my Pops Stargell bobblehead on the end table right next to me.
Fat lot of good it did.
The game began, and, yes, it went exactly how I thought it would go. The Pirates couldn't hit Arrieta -- until, stupidly, they actually hit him. Great strategy there, boys. You're down 4-0 in the late innings, you need every out you can get, so you deliberately put the pitcher on base? Genius.
Anyway ... Arrieta went through 'em like a stomach virus. And Schwarber -- IU Guy, Freakin' Gomer From Freakin' Bloomington -- hits one of Gerrit Cole's pitches so hard it probably landed in Buffalo.
And my Bucs were toast. I turned it off (at least for an hour or so). I knew it was hopeless. Heck, it was probably hopeless before the first pitch.
And so a 98-win season ends in less than three hours, and don't get me started on that nonsense again. If you're gonna have a one-and-done wild-card format, you need to seed the playoffs. Worst records play the one-and-done whether they won their division or not.
That's not the worst part, though. The worst part is, the Cubs now play the Cardinals. So I've got to root hard for 'em now, even Freakin' IU Guy.
Go, Schwarber. Go, Cubs.