Sunday, August 30, 2015

Wall-y world

These Republicans. I swear, they're more fun than kittens on Red Bull.

Right out of the box you've got the First Lord of Wackadoo-ness, Donald Trump, pumping up the nitwits by saying he's gonna run out all those dirty Mexicans and then strong-arm their government into building a wall across Texas and points west. Among other fanciful tales.

Not to be outdone, here comes Scott "The Edukashun Governor" Walker, shifting into me-too mode  by saying, you know, a wall across Canada wouldn't be a bad idea, either. Gotta keep out those hockey players and other dangerous subversives, after all.

It's such a crowd-pleasing show that now I'm thinking, why stop there? If you're gonna build a Mexican wall and a Canadian wall, why not go all the way and build a wall for every state?

Surely South Dakota must be getting fed up with all those North Dakota lowlifes crossing the state line to get away from Bismarck's winters, and also to Hoover up all the good paying jobs at WalMart and Burger King. It must get wearisome to order a Whopper and chicken fries at a Sioux Falls drive-thru, only to be confronted at the window by some doofus from Minot who can't even speak proper South Dakotan.

And what about right here in Indiana?

God knows we could use a wall to keep John Calipari on the Kentucky side of the river where he belongs. Ditto Tom Izzo and Jim Harbaugh up there north of the Michigan line. And Ohio?

 Lord. Don't even get the Blob started.

Who can count the times Urban Meyer has sneaked over here with his phony green card to steal football players? And that Thad Matta, he's just as bad. Tell me we couldn't use a wall to protect us from their kind, and also to keep out the riffraff from Van Wert and Antwerp.

You say you want to play college ball?

Fine, Be a good Hoosier, then, and do it right here at IU or Purdue. Those people in Ohio, they're nothing but trouble.

Nine out of 10 nitwits agree.


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