Sunday, August 2, 2015

Calling all cyborgs ...

... your presence is requested at the headquarters of Stark Enterprises, where Tony Stark, aka Ironman, has been summoned to save the world from its latest threat, MMA fighter Ronda Rousey.

Whose campaign to turn the UFC into a suffocating bore is proceeding apace.

In case you missed it, and if you blinked twice you did, Rousey once again "defended" her title last night, although once more it wasn't noticeably under attack. She dispatched some Brazilian in 34 seconds, hitting her with exactly two punches that were solid but not visibly bone-crushing. The Brazilian proceeded to go down like a sack of wet mail.

 And now you have to ask yourself why anyone tunes in to watch any of Rousey's fights anymore, given that they're such a foregone conclusion.  Seriously, would you pay good money to watch an event that lasts 34 seconds and two punches? And even if you're doing so because you want to see a premier athlete at her best ... well, she's now become so dominant she's reached that counter-intuitive place where you have to question if she actually is that dominant.

By that I mean, is Rousey really this good, or is her competition simply that bad? Judging from last night she's not exactly wading through a host of Alis and Fraziers. It's more like a leisurely stroll down Tomato Can Alley.

For that very reason, I've always maintained that Mike Tyson was one of the most overrated heavyweight champions in history. Yes, he crushed everybody, or at least everybody who was looking for a place to fall down as soon as they stepped into the ring with him. The first time he fought someone who actually fought back, he got knocked out. And not by Ali or Frazier, but by a rank journeyman named Buster Douglas.

Enter Tony Stark.

I figure Ironman's the only one who can save the world from more 34-second Rousey fights. Because at this point, only a Stark-designed state-of-the-art cyborg seems capable of giving her the fight she and her fans deserve.

I mean, what the heck. It's worth a try, right?

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