Wednesday, February 25, 2015

A more orange shade of pale

It's learned not to expect much, the grimly loyal tribe that roots for the Cleveland Browns. You watch Dick Van Dyke trip over the hassock often enough, your expectations become pretty modest.

Just don't break a leg.

Or, you know,  draft a quarterback. 'Cause you're not very good at it.

Aside from that, all Browns fans ask is that you throw 'em a bone once in awhile, or maybe some dog biscuits, or maybe the occasional can of Alpo (Try some! It's yummy!). Beat the Steelers once a decade or so. Throw a Bernie Kosar out there every so often. Suit up a wide receiver with the greatest name in the history of pro football, Fair Hooker.

Oh, yeah: And when you announce you're rolling out a new logo, actually roll out a new logo.

The Browns announced that awhile back, and then, well, tripped over the hassock again. The "new logo" is actually the old logo, only the orange is brighter. As a commenter observed in the story that unveiled the new logo, it looks they just changed the toner on the copy machine.

Really, Brownies?

Look. No one's a bigger fan of traditional unis than this guy. I happen to like the Browns' plain orange helmets. I might be the only man in America who wishes the Bengals hadn't dumped their copycat orange helmets with "Bengals" on the side for the tiger stripes. I still wish the Rams would go back to the traditional blue-and-white, the Chargers to the white helmets with the lightning bolts and numbers on the sides, and the Patriots to the sneering patriot in the tricorn hat, eternally preparing to hike the ball and knock you on your redcoat ass.

So if the Browns just want to pull out an orange crayon and freshen up their traditional look, good on them.

Just don't say you're breaking out a new logo. 'Cause you really didn't.

Although, in fairness, it's hard to conceive what new logo they could have come up with.

Perhaps a brown Milk-Bone, aggressively tilted forward on a field of orange. Bernie Kosar with his hands over his eyes. The little Brownie guy, visibly drunk, sending a fumble-fingered text.

These (bleepin') guys ...

Yeah. That.




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