The numbers game

 Alexander Ovechkin -- aka, the Great Eight -- tied Wayne Gretzky's career NHL goals record last night, putting the biscuit in the basket for the 894th time in his long and decorated career. Even more astounding: While Gretzky got 894 in 1,487 games, Ovi reached that mark in ... 1,486 games.

Same number of goals. One game's difference. Talk about your harmonic convergence.

Of course, Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson probably doesn't want to talk about that at all. More likely he'd rather focus on why Ovi's called the Great Eight.

"Because he wears No. 8, Mr. Blob?" you're saying now.

Always knew you were smarter than you looked.

Why Lamar Jackson would care about that is because he, too, wears No. 8. And right now he's sending a bunch of suits to court to challenge Dale Earnhardt Jr. for -- wait for it -- trademark rights to the No. 8. Specifically, a certain font that Junior last ran with his Dale Earnhardt Inc. car almost 20 years ago.

Somehow, Jackson's attorneys are arguing that the certain font is too close in style to Jackson's own "Era 8" brand. So there might be some confusion there because Junior is trying to trademark the same style of 8.

In other words: Lamar Jackson says this certain font of the No. 8 belongs to him. And if Junior is allowed to use it, some folks might get confused, because, after all, Lamar Jackson is an NFL quarterback and Dale Earnhardt Jr. is a retired NASCAR driver.

Perfectly understandable how people might mix up the two, right?

What do you mean, "No"?

And what do you mean, "This is the silliest thing I've ever heard"?

This is not silly. This is a serious trademark beef, because Lamar is paying his suits a lot of money to say it is. It's not at all the sort of frivolous nonsense a judge would throw out of his courtroom unless that judge was of sane mind.

"But Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "How can you trademark a number? And how you can do it retroactively? How can Lamar sue Junior for the rights to a certain style of No. 8 when Junior  first used it 26 years ago? And what about all the NFL players before Lamar who wore No. 8? Is he gonna sue them, or can they sue him?"

Well, now that you mention it ...

Turns out Lamar's attorneys are also going after former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman, who wore No. 8 some 30 years before Lamar Jackson donned it for the Ravens. A few years back, Aikman started marketing a brand of beer named "Eight" after his old number. Which of course Lamar's guys decided might confuse people, too.

Now, those of us not possessed of great legal minds might argue only persons with the reasoning power of amoeba could possibly confuse the numeral 8 with the written eight. But that's why we're not great legal minds.

Those folks would scoff at our ignorance. Why, how on earth could we not see this case as the Brown vs. Board of Education of numeric adjudication?

In the meantime, we await the resolution of this momentous numbers game. And wonder when the law firm of Owie That Hurts and Associates sues Lamar's "Era 8" brand on behalf of the Steroids Era, the Deadball Era and the Era of Good Feelings.

Coming soon to a court docket near you.