The new chumps

 Time now for another of the Blob's semi-irregular features, seeing how it's mid-April and the baseball season has been chugging along  nicely for about three weeks if you count the Cubs-Dodgers series over in Japan.

Yes, that's right boys girls. "Cruds Alert!" is back, baby!

And, no, this time it does not highlight my very own Pittsburgh Cruds, who are 6-12 and last as usual in the NL Central. This is because even though they're still my Cruds, they're actually the best of the last-place teams in the National League. Call it a pride deal.

But there's more!

In a stunning upset, today's "Cruds Alert!" also does not feature the defending chumps, your Chicago What Sox, even though the Whats are already eight games under .500 (4-12) and have resumed their place as the worst team in the American League. That's because there's a new chump-een out there.

Come on down, you Colorado Rockheads!

Who are 3-14, have lost their last five and are 2-8 in their last ten. They've played all of 17 games, and already they have double-digit road losses (10). And they're already 10 1/2 games out of first in the NL West and seven out of next-to-last.

In 17 games. Seven ... teen.

This is 2024 What Sox-level stuff, and raises the alarming possibility that the south side of Chicago is about to be subjected to the worst of all fates: Ordinary everyday awfulness instead of truly epic awfulness.

 Last summer, after all, a southsider could at least see history being made when he or she visited Guaranteed Comiskey Rate Park. But now that the Rockheads seem poised to be this season's featured loser, all the What Sox can offer their fans is day after dreary day of horrid baseball without the alluring soupcon of immortality.

The Rockheads, on the other hand, are on pace to lose 133 games right now. Which would make the 2024 What Sox' 121 losses look like weak cheese indeed. 

Of course, it's a long season, and circumstances can change. The 'Heads could catch fire and go on a 9-18 tear at some point. Or the What Sox could really catch fire and reel off another book-length losing streak to put the Rockheads in their wake. 

Shoot. Even the rootless Athletics could get in on this, seeing how they only have half a name and thus are already a leg up on both the 'Heads and the Whats. They're not the Oakland Athletics anymore, but they're also not the Sacramento Athletics. Sacramento is just where they've parked their transient selves while they wait for the next train to hop.

In which case, perhaps they should call themselves the Tom Joad Athletics. It's a thought.

At any rate, the A's are no great shakes, either, at 7-10 and last in the AL West. But they're not the Rockheads or the What Sox, aside from the homeless thing. 

And no one's the 'Heads right now.

Who are so bad not even fellow Denverite Nikola Jokic could come across town and save 'em. And that's saying something.