Double duty?

 Tomorrow in Green Bay the NFL Draft begins, and OMIGOD TOMORROW THE NFL DRAFT BEGINS!! THE NFL DRAFT, AMERICA!!

Which is my way of expressing the level of excitement ESPN expects from you humps about the Shield's annual three-day auction to determine which sadsack NFL team is going to ruin which college star's life with one fateful phone call. Congratulations, son, you're a Tennessee Titan/Cleveland Brown/New York Giant. We suck, and now you're gonna suck, too! Welcome!

Any-hoo, the drama is upon us, or so the NFL and ESPN wants everyone to believe. And I suppose there is an element of suspense involved in what is frankly just a series of business transactions when you get right down to it.

For instance:Will the Tennessee Titans, who are expected to take Miami (Fla.) quarterback Cam Ward with the No. 1 pick, screw everything up by taking Penn State edge rusher Abdul Carter or Colorado two-way star Travis Hunter instead?

If so, will a running back (Ashton Jeanty) actually go before a quarterback?

Will the Giants get suckered into trading the third pick to a fictitious team from Idaho, the Coeur d'Alene Maple Creams?

And speaking of ruining a college star's life, will the Browns take Travis Hunter with the second pick?

These are the same Browns, remember, who tried to make an NFL quarterback out of Johnny Manziel. Who turned Baker Mayfield into a bust and then traded him to Tampa Bay, where he not-so-amazingly became a non-bust. And who'll now get to decide whether the multi-talented Hunter plays cornerback, wide receiver or does double duty.

Go ahead and shudder at the implications.

Also, imagine being a fly on the wall as the Browns braintrust mulls its options:

Brain No. 1: I say play him at cornerback. No, wait, wide receiver. No, wait, cornerback.

Brain No. 2: Ah, geez, make up your mind. 

Brain No. 3: Seriously, dude.

Brain No. 1: Yeah? OK, geniuses, what's YOUR idea?

Brain No. 2: Simple. Play him both ways. What the hell, the kid wants to try it, I say let him try it.

Brain No. 3: Seriously!

Brain No. 1: Oh, come on! You can't play a guy both ways in the modern NFL. He'll be on IR by the third game! Or if he miraculously doesn't get hurt, he'll look like Tom Hanks in "Castaway" by Thanksgiving. Hell, he'll probably even be talking to volleyballs.

Brain No. 2: But think of the pub, man! A 60-minute man in the modern NFL? The Browns will be on every magazine cover in America, and not because we did something stupid.  And the day Travis catches 12 balls at wideout and has two picks on defense? We'll be the No. 1 topic on every talk show in America!

Brain No. 3: Seriously!

Brain No. 1 (sarcastically): Well, gee, let's just play him at quarterback, too, then. He could throw a deep seam and then use his superhuman speed to catch it. Or have him kick off and return the kick. Alter the very laws of physics, not to mention the rulebook!

(Brief pause as everyone actually considers this)

Brain No. 2: Well, you know ...

Brain No. 3: Seriously!

Know the most mind-boggling thing about all that?

Given that we're talking about the Browns, it might not be satire.

Seriously.