Some Big Super Game Bowl thoughts

 The Philadelphia Eagles painted New Orleans green last night, so laissez les bon temps rouler and all that -- and, please, Philly, no sacking the Liberty Bell to celebrate. Thing's already got a crack in it, remember. And the Eagles did enough sacking for everyone.

Six times they brought Patrick Mahomes to earth behind the line, and not once did the zebras dock 'em for it, which spoiled the Tinfoil Hat Brigade's pet theory. Turns out you can lay a finger on the Pampered One without drawing laundry for it, just as it turned out the Chiefs were not immune to the penalty phase.

Seven times they were flagged last night, after all, for 75 yards. The Eagles were penalized eight times, but for only 59 yards. And, yes, they even got away with a couple. 

A moment of silence, then, for The NFL Is Rigged crowd. May your brain cells work better in the next life than they do in this one.

A few other thoughts on the evening's festivities, which -- Dammit, ya jamokes, I told you to keep your mitts off the stinkin' bell!:

* The Eagles D-line vs. the Chiefs O-line might have been the biggest mismatch in Super Bowl history.

Six times the Iggles sacked Mahomes, as noted; a pile of other times they scored pressures or chased him around the backfield like Rocky Balboa (Philly guy!) chasing that chicken in "Rocky II." The Chiefs O-line was reduced to grabbing fistfuls of green jersey, and Mahomes, his rhythm in shambles and his ability to read the field stolen, threw two picks.

Most ruinous, of course, was the pick six he threw to rookie Cooper De Jean, who got to celebrate his 22nd birthday in the most wondrous manner possible. That pumped a 10-0 Eagles lead to 17-0 and started the cave-in.

Eye-popping stat of the night: The Eagles came within 34 seconds of holding Mahomes and Co. scoreless through three quarters.

Second eye-popping stat of the night: Not only that, the Chiefs didn't even cross midfield until the 2:30 mark of the third. 

Third eye-popping stat of the night: The Eagles did all of this sacking and pressuring of Mahomes with a four-man rush. Not once did their defensive mad scientist, Vic Fangio, dial up a blitz. Not. Once.

* Jalen Hurts deserved his MVP. But they shoulda cut it in half.

That's because Josh Sweat had a game for the ages on the other side of the ball, and the other side of the ball was as much responsible for the 40-22 blowout as Hurts' and the offense. 

Jalen's numbers: 17-of-22 passing for 221 yards and two touchdown, and 11 carries for 72 yards (a Supe record for quarterbacks) and another score. Plus a superb job of beating  Chiefs defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo's dreaded blitzes.

Josh's numbers: Six tackles, 2.5 sacks, another two tackles for loss. Plus untold disruption of Andy Reid's best-laid plans.

Co-MVPs. Or so it says here.

* Tom Brady is not very good at this.

And by "this", I mean the broadcast thing.

 The guy is just too stiff for this gig, sadly enough. His camaraderie with his broadcast partners seems forced (sometimes painfully so), and his insights are not particularly insightful; too many times last night, I found myself saying "Well, duh" when he made a point. Also, he kept saying "If the Chiefs don't do such-and-such now, this game is over" long after the game clearly was over.

I give it a "D+", Dick Clark. Doesn't have a beat and you can't dance to it.

 *The halftime show brought out the thinly-veiled racism in a bunch of folks.

Or so I gathered from scrolling through the interwhatsis.

Old white people (and some not so old) of a particular ideological bent thought it was the WORST HALFTIME SHOW ever, with one troll snarking he hoped everyone liked the Black Nationalist halftime show. Apparently there were just too many black people out there for his tastes.

Me?

Hell, I'm a thisclose-to-70-year-old white guy who thought Kendrick Lamar was Saquon Barkley's backup. So what do I know?

I thought the choreography was tight. I also realized I was the wrong demographic for a Grammy-winning hip-hop star, which meant my almost-70-year-old ears didn't understand a word the man was saying -- or even if I was supposed to.

But the Samuel L. Jackson part was cool. Also the Serena Williams cameo.  

I give it an  "A-", Dick.

*  Speaking of Saquon Barkley ...

... how did you not get a little misty, seeing his unrestrained joy as the clock got skinny?

Dude gets rescued in the offseason from the vast wasteland that is the New York Giants,  and less than a year later he's hoisting the Lombardi Trophy after one of the greatest seasons a running back has ever had. The Chiefs D kept him mostly in check last night -- he ran 25 times for 57 yards, a measly 2.3 average, and his longest gain was a 10-yarder -- but you think he cared? 

He did not. He looked like Papillon escaping Devil's Island, only with better teeth. Hey, you bastards! I'm still here!

And last but not least ...

* Someone in IndyCar seems finally to have grown a clue.

"And what exactly does this have to do with the Big Super Game Bowl, Mr. Blob?" you're saying now.

Well, it has to do with it because the Big Super Game Bowl ads have become a thing in themselves, and there were three IndyCar ads in the mix. And they were pretty awesome.

One featured reigning IndyCar champ Alex Palou. One featured Pato O'Ward. And one featured Josef Newgarden, whose chiseled good looks were spoofed with a cameo by Tom Brady, who scoffed, "He's not THAT handsome."

Anyway, they were all snappy and hip and did what IndyCar enthusiasts have been screaming at the sport to do for years: Throw a spotlight on all its dynamic young talent and have some fun with them.

As for the rest of the Supe ads ...

Pretty weak crop, frankly. The Harrison Ford ad for Jeep was decent ("Even if my name is Ford"). The Dunkin' Donuts ad taking barely disguised shots at Starbucks was kind of amusing.  A lot of the others were simply trying too hard -- especially that weird ad featuring Seal as a seal.

Only the Chiefs O-line was worse.