And now ... the Greenland Cup!

 The Blob has never been your home for great ideas so much as your home for stupid seventh-grade-boy ideas, so I'm not going to present the following as anything but the latter. And I'm certainly not going to pretend to know if our president-elect, Donald John Training Wheels Mussolini Trump, is as batshite as he appears or just trolling us all.

I say this because Training Wheels did an interview the other day and said all manner of goofy stuff, like how we were going to buy Greenland and annex Canada and rename the Gulf of Mexico the "Gulf of America". And also force Panama, at gunpoint if necessary, to give us back the Panama Canal -- which was turned over to the Panamanians almost 50 years ago on account of it's in their own damn country.

(That bit about making Canada our 51st state, though, I'm pretty sure is just Training Wheels playing with us. Surely by now someone has told him you can't just make an entire sovereign nation another state. Presumably someone has also told him we already tried to do that twice, and Canada kicked our hineys back across the border both times. So we're 0-2 vs. the Great White North in the forced annexation biz.)

Anyway, if Training Wheels really does think he can pry Greenland away from Denmark by force or protection-racket diplomacy ("Youse got a real nice plot o' land here, Denmark. Be a shame if somethin' happened to it. Or to you."), the Blob has a less Gambino-ish solution. Why not play soccer for it?

The Denmark men's national team vs. the U.S. men's national team. Best-of-three series. We could call it the Greenland Cup. Sell tickets. Give Training Wheels a 70/30 cut, because you know he never goes for anything unless he personally can make a pile from it.

"Why, that's the stupidest seventh-grade-boy idea I ever heard!" you're saying now.

Yes, but is it? Is it REALLY?

See, I've actually done the bare minimum of research on this, and what I've discovered is the Danes kinda suck at soccer. They didn't so much as qualify for the World Cup until 1986, and they've missed out on it entirely three times since.

 As for the other six times, they haven't exactly made anyone forget Argentina or Brazil; twice they failed to get out of their group, and they've never advanced beyond the quarterfinals. And they did that 27 years ago, way back in 1998.

In the most recent World Cup, 2022, they finished 28th and bowed out in group play. Heck, they couldn't even score against Tunisia, with whom they played a 0-0 draw.

"But Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "Don't we kinda suck at soccer, too?"

Well, yes. We do. Or at least the men do.

But at least they've reached the Round of 16 twice in the last four World Cups, which Denmark can't say. We also beat the snotty Iranians in group play in 2022, before getting smoked 3-1 by the Netherlands in the Round of 16.

So, yeah. Bring on the Greenland Cup. And for those conversant with Shakespeare, the Blob even has a slogan all ready to fire up our lads in red, white and blue: Make The Danes Melancholy Again.

Works for me.