Eye opener

 High school football started up again Friday in a whole lot of places, and I think we can all agree that is a good thing. Because high school football is awesome, and the only people who think otherwise are either Flat Earthers, moon-landing deniers or lint brains who think schoolkids are being forced to use litter boxes and pronouns.

However.

However, get a load of this. But you might want to don a welder's mask first.

Now, I know school pride is school pride, and it's a big part of what makes high school football great. But there is pride, and then there is SHEER FREAKING MADNESS. And, I'm sorry, this much orange just hurts my 69-year-old eyes.

It's like staring directly into the sun without wearing your trusty Ray-Bans. Or staring too long at the Orange One himself, Donald Trump. Or ...

Heck, I don't know. All I know is I'm getting a headache.

Now, I'm sure more modern folk, not to mention the good inhabitants of Paris, Ky., think this is the height of gridiron fashion. Maybe the more entrepreneurial among them look at all that orange and think there's a sweet Cheetos sponsorship in it. Who knows, for the right price they might even change the name of the place from Blanton Collier Field to Cheetos Dust Field.

(Blanton Collier, by the way, coached the Cleveland Browns to their last NFL championship, 60 years. The Brownies' colors, of course, are brown and -- yes! -- orange. There does seem to be a theme here.)

Anyway, they can rename the field, and then hand out bags of puffs to every fan who comes through the gates. Then, at the appropriate moment, every fan can wave his or her orange-stained fingers while the P.A. man bellows "Come on, fans! SHOW 'EM YOUR DUST!"

OK. So maybe not.

Look. I know I'm old, and old school. I know, consequently, I have an increasing tendency to shake my bony liver-spotted fist at Newfangled Stuff. So maybe you can take all this with the grain of salt it deserves.

However.

However, when Boise State unveiled its blue field, I got used to it. I even kinda got used to Eastern Washington's blood-red field. But Screaming Day-Glo Orange is a bridge too far for me. If I wanted to see Screaming Day-Glo Orange, I'd go to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's Hall of Fame Museum and stare at the Parnelli Jones STP turbine for awhile.

But an orange football field? 

Next thing you know, someone will roll out green turf. You just watch.