Denial is ...

 ... not just a river in Egypt, as they say.

No, it's also what Conor Stalions did when the NCAA put him on the griddle back in April, the details of which now are out thanks to a new Netflix doc. Stalions, it seems, didn't know nothin' about no illegal sign-stealing on behalf of Jim Harbaugh and Michigan Wolverines football. Didn't know nothin' ... didn't see nothin' ... never did any illegal in-person scouting.

He also wasn't on the Central Michigan sideline in disguise one Saturday, even though he apparently told someone he was. And he for sure didn't purchase any tickets to send a network of scouts out to do any illegal in-person scouting, nuh-uh, no, sir. 

See, according to Stalions, what happened was he would frequently purchase tickets for friends, and, golly, it was just a coincidence they were tickets to the games of future Michigan opponents. And sometimes the friends would record parts of those games totally on their own. Then those friends would send him the film totally on their own.

"It's kind of like when your aunt gets you a Christmas gift you already have," Stalions said. "You're not going to be rude and be like 'Oh, I already have this. I don't need that.' It's 'Oh, thanks, appreciate it.'"

Ummm ... OK.

And, look, don't infer from that I think Stalions lied like a mafia boss to the NCAAs. Don't do it even when I point out Stalions left a paper trail of travel and hotel receipts. And don't do it even when I reiterate he admitted to someone (OK, so it was only Dave Portnoy from Barstool Sports, not the most reliable of sources) it was him in that ballcap on the Central Michigan sideline that one time.

Stalions told the NCAAs that, gosh, he didn't remember attending that particular game. Or any other particular game anyone might be inclined to bring up.

Ummm ... OK.

But enough about that. The best part of Stalions' testimony before the NCAA happened when his attorney, Brad Beckworth, said his client's personal information was illegally obtained, and he was fairly certain who the culprit was.

Can you guess? Come on, guess.

It was Ohio State University, of course!

"If it's true that came from someone associated with or tied to The Ohio State University -- and we think it was -- that's where if I was going to try to do right I might be focusing," Beckworth said/suggested.

In other words: You NCAAs really need to leave my boy here alone (my boy and, ahem, Michigan) and start investigating those crooked-ass people down in Columbus. The Ohio State University, in other words. See, I even included that snooty "The" to make it easier for you to identify 'em.

Beautiful. I mean, is there anything more quintessentially college football than accusing your most bitter rival of playing dirty? It's a tradition that goes back to Fielding Yost at UM and Knute Rockne at Notre Dame breaking off their football series because each said the other was a lousy no-good cheater.

And so Beckworth, on behalf of Stalions and Michigan, pointed the finger at Ohio State, because of course he did. Because Michigan is Michigan and Ohio State is Ohio State, and never the twain shall meet except to throw hands. In the back of my head, in fact, I wonder if Beckworth didn't accuse the Buckeyes because everyone in Ann Arbor is still steamed about the way Woody Hayes ran up the score on 'em back in '68, and then gloated about it.

Remember? His famous line when asked why he went for two after the final touchdown in a 50-14 rout?

"Because they wouldn't let me go for three," Woody replied.

Now all these years later, Michigan's saying Woody's Buckeyes are at it again, framing the poor Wolverines because that's just the kind of low-rent SOBs they are.

Ah, tradition. There's no denyin' that, ever.