Sick leave

This is the part, in "Welcome Back, Kotter," where Juan Epstein used to bring a note from his legendary mom.

Dear Dusty: Please excuse Stephen from pitching tonight. The air conditioning has made him sick.

(Signed)
Epstein's Mom.

Or ...

Dear Dusty: Stephen is feeling under the weather today. Tanner Roark should pitch instead. I'm sure Stephen will be ready for Game 5.

(Signed)
Epstein's Mom.

And then ...

What do you mean there might not be a Game 5?

(Signed)
Epstein's Mom.

And if you're wondering, at this point, "What is this man talking about?", well ... we're talking about mold.

Which, according to manager Dusty Baker, apparently has gotten into the air conditioning in the Washington Nationals hotel in Chicago, and caused several of them to feel icky. Including, it turns out, ace pitcher Stephen Strasburg, who allowed just three hits and no earned runs and struck out 10 in the NLDS opener against the Cubs, and whose ERA after the All-Star break is a barely visible 0.86.

That will do neither home nor the Nats any good in Game 4 tonight, however. Strasburg, scheduled to go on full rest after Game 4 was rained out last night, will not be going after all. Baker will go with Tanner Roark instead, saying Strasburg was feeling "under the weather."

Of course, given that this is an elimination for the Nats, perhaps he should have said "on his deathbed."

Because, listen, you'd hope that Strasburg would at the very least be gasping his last if he's going to sit this one out, because ... well, because the season's over if the Nats lose. "Under the weather" does not quite rise to the level of an acceptable absence given the circumstance. Or so one would think.

But then, the Blob is a Cranky Old-School Guy Zone, where, if your team needs you to save its season, you drag an oxygen tank out there if you have to. Hardly anything short of Strasburg's pitching arm actually falling off should keep him off the bump. And even then, there's always Scotch tape.

But, hey. Maybe he really is on his deathbed. In which case mold becomes the unlikely MVP of the series.

Or ...

Or maybe this is just a mind-trick by Dusty the Zenmaster, and Strasburg really is going to pitch.

Guess we'll see.

Update: Guess we will. Sources say Strasburg is now scheduled to start Game 4. Dusty the Zenmaster, playin' games.