Bowled over

 OK, OK, O-kay, Georgia. You've made your point.

You've shown the Committee you should have been in the College Football Playoff after all.

You've shown what a poser Florida State was, except it wasn't really "Florida State" you were playing but "Understudy Florida State."

You've also shown, inadvertently, how money-grubbing I-got-mine-ism has ruined the bowl system, reducing even big deals like the Orange Bowl to mere afterthoughts.

Because you know what?

Georgia 63, Florida State 3 will not get the Bulldogs into the CFP. Hell, Georgia 163, Florida State 3 would not have. The voters already decided that, same as they did in the old days. This is because college football figured a few years back it needed an undisputed national champion -- a nifty bit of cover for what it really needed, which was Even More Cash on top of the Himalayas of cash in which it was already wallowing.

Thus, the BCS. Thus, its successor, the CFP.

Which is just another gushing revenue stream, when you get down to the nut of it. It's more TV rights money for college football, more money for the four lucky participants, more money, period. Who cares if it renders meaningless every bowl game outside the CFP velvet rope -- including the Orange Bowl, no matter how robustly Georgia tattooed what essentially was a Florida State practice squad?

The Seminoles were missing 27 players for last night's debacle through injury, opt-outs or the transfer portal. The ones who were left clearly didn't give a tinker's damn about being there, because in Tallahassee they're still all butt-hurt over being left out of the Big Cashapalooza.

Win the Orange Bowl? Lose the Orange Bowl? Skip the Orange Bowl to safeguard one's future earnings? Who cared?

Only Georgia cared.  And that was only because the Bulldogs wanted to make an ultimately empty statement.

(A possibly relevant aside: One of the funniest takes coming out of last night was that the opt-outs are ruining the bowls because "all these kids care about today is money." As if that's not true of everyone in college football these days -- including all the coaches who for decades have been bailing on their team's bowl games because some bigger, richer school hired them away for, gee, more money. Grownups lead by example. And if that's the example you're setting, why wouldn't the kids follow suit?)

College football's solution to this cluster-oo is to expand the playoff to 12 teams next year, which means a few more bowl games with some relevance. The rest still will be what they are now, and thus still will be plagued by opt-outs. But at least the Orange Bowl (and several other major bowls) won't see another clown show like last night.

Me?

I think college football was a hell of a lot more fun when polls decided the national champ based on what happened on New Year's Day. That's when all the heavyweights played, and it was a day-long narrative that sometimes ended with a clear-cut champeen and sometimes didn't -- which was part of the fun, frankly.

"Damn, you're old," you're saying now.

Well, yeah. But at least I'm not opting out on it.

Making their cases

 The first thing you can say about Notre Dame 40, Oregon State 8 in the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl yesterday is that sure was a waste of perfectly good Frosted Flakes they dumped on Marcus Freeman's head when it was done.

The second thing you can say is that sure was a flying-color exit exam for Freeman's quarterback, Steve Angeli.

I say "exit exam" because Notre Dame has gone out of its way to tell the kid he isn't wanted, not once but twice. First the Irish brought in Sam Hartman from Wake Forest to play in front of him; now it's Riley Leonard from Duke. 

I'm just guessing here, but I bet there was a little NIL jingle involved in luring Leonard. And I bet that jingle wasn't so Notre Dame can tell Leonard "Hey, guess what? You're gonna be Steve Angeli's backup!"

So, yeah, what Angeli did yesterday -- 14-of-18 passing for 232 yards and three sixes in his first start -- clearly was his audition for the transfer portal. Because I can't imagine why he wouldn't be hitting it up at this point. 

Quarterbacks who can play a bit are always valued commodities in this brave new world of college football, where everyone's pretty much a perpetual free agent. So good on Angeli if he de-materializes in South Bend and materializes somewhere they'll actually let him play a bit.

If so, he'll be following the path taken by many before him, including a kid named Kyle McCord. All he did this year for Ohio State was go 11-1, throw for 3,170 yards and 24 touchdowns with just six picks, and put up the seventh highest QBR in the nation. But all he heard from the perpetually aggrieved Buckeye fan base was a lot of bitching and moaning because dammit he isn't C.J. Stroud.

So when the season ended, he jumped into the transfer portal faster than Captain Kirk beaming down to that planet with the green belly dancers. Now he's at Syracuse, where yesterday he no doubt enjoyed watching the Cotton Bowl.

Ohio State, see, lost 14-3 to Missouri. McCord's replacement, Lincoln Kienholz, completed just 6-of-17 passes for 86 yards. Together, he and Devin Brown were 10-of-24 for 106 yards, as the Buckeyes wheezed out just 12 first downs and 203 total yards. 

The 14-3 loss marked the first time in head coach Ryan Day's six seasons the Buckeyes offense failed to score a touchdown.

(Quick cut to McCord, sitting on his couch: "How you like me NOW, bitches?")

OK. So probably not.

McCord, in fact, was probably rooting for his former teammates, if not his former teammates' dopey fans. In any event, he was the second quarterback to make a case for himself yesterday.

Steve Angeli on the field. And Kyle McCord, in absentia.

Not dead yet

 Really, Joe Flacco is feeling much better.

Maybe you haven't been paying much attention, what with this being the holidays and all, but Joe Flacco quarterbacked the Cleveland Browns to another victory last night. Flacco, who is 88 years old and uses a wheelchair, threw three touchdown passes as the Brownies went to 11-5 and clinched the playoffs by whupping the eminently whup-able New York Jets, 37-20.

"Hey, wait a minute," you're saying now. "Joe Flacco's not 88 years old!"

OK, I lied. He's actually 68.

Oops, lied again. He's 58.

Darn it! Lied again!

No, really, he's actually only 38. But he was ou of football until the Browns snapped him up on November 20 after Deshaun Watson went down for the season.

All he's done since is lead the Browns to four wins in five starts, as Cleveland now has a four-game winning streak and has secured a postseason berth. In each of those four wins, Flacco has thrown for more than 300 yards and at least two touchdowns. He now has 13 touchdown passes in just five games.

Not bad for a guy in a wheelchair.

"Stop it!" you're saying.

OK, OK. He's not in a wheelchair. And he's not dead, either, which is what the Blob quipped on another platform when the Browns signed him. He really is feeling much better.

Better than the four teams that have lost to him, that is.

Today in eating

 ... in which the Kansas State Wildcats beat the North Carolina State Wolfpack 28-19 in the inaugural Pop Tarts Bowl, and then got to EAT THE MASCOT.

Check it out. Is this not the highlight of the All Them Others Bowl Season, or what?

Money deal

 The funniest thing you're going to hear this week is not Nikki Haley being absurdly wrong about the Civil War, but Denver Broncos coach Sean Payton trying to explain why he's benching Russell Wilson without explaining why he's benching Russell Wilson.

It's not because Payton wants to see what backup Jarrett Stidham has to offer, in case you were wondering. That's Payton's spin, and if you believe it I've got some sweet oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you.

I mean ...

Yes, we think Jarrett Stidham is the guy to turn around our sluggish offense these last two games. He's Jarrett Stidham, for God's sake! Guy played in TWO WHOLE GAMES for the Patriots back before they went to shite! He has two career starts, six career touchdown passes and seven career interceptions! How could he NOT be an upgrade from a guy who -- let's see -- has thrown for 43,653 yards and 334 touchdowns in his career?

That's about how it sounded. Not even kidding.

No, the truth is, Payton's benching the admittedly aging Wilson because last year the Broncos agreed, without anyone holding a gun to their heads, to pay him $242.6 million over five years. Now they're on the hook for $39 million next year whether Wilson plays or not, plus (and here's the important part) an additional $37 million if he gets hurt in the last two games and can't pass a March physical.

There's not much chance Wilson will suffer an injury sitting on the bench, unless it's a bad high-ego sprain. So that's why the Broncos are benching him, and will likely try to trade or release him before June 1-- after which Russ will cost them $85 mill in dead money.

All that other stuff Sean Payton said?

Yeah, um, no. The Broncos have been wallowing around a bit on offense this season, but it's not because of Russell Wilson. He's in the top ten in the league in touchdowns and passer rating, having thrown 26 sixes versus just eight picks. And his 66.4 percent completion percentage is actually almost two points higher than his career average.

That's a significant bounce-back from last year, when Wilson played miserably for a miserable team.

The straight skinny?

The Broncos are benching Wilson because they don't want to pay him.

Twelve months ago they made an incredibly stupid deal, and now they want to renege on that deal. It's as simple and uncomplicated as that.

"If they didn't want to pay me, why did they agree to pay me?" Russ must be wondering about now.

A question for which he'll likely never get a satisfactory answer.

It's all the girl's fault

 Someday Taylor Swift will write a song about all this.

She'll write a song about how she fell in love with a football player, and then the football player started playing not was well as he used to, and then his TEAM lost to the RAIDERS, for God's sake, and everyone will BLAME THE GIRL.

The title of the song will be "Blame The Girl."

It will be quite bitter in tone, as Taylor's songs oftentimes tend to be. It will also talk about what shite-y creatures men are, another frequent Taylor theme.

This time, however, Taylor will be right.

Men are shite-y creatures sometimes. Also really stupid, even in areas where they're allegedly not stupid.

Seen the latest, after Raiders 20, Chiefs 14?

Two guys who used to play pro football, and another guy who claims to know a lot about it, were blaming the Chiefs' and Travis Kelce's recent struggles on Kelce's celebrity girlfriend, Taylor Swift.

A handful of wingnuts on social media, who hate Taylor anyway because, oh my God, she's encouraging her fans to register to vote (How un-American!), are chiming in with the same take -- i.e., TAYLOR SWIFT RUINS EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES.

The three guys on TV, meanwhile, are Michael Irvin, Keyshawn Johnson and former sportswriter/current blowhard Skip Bayless. They were Taylor-bashing to a fare-thee-well after the Chiefs' Christmas Day loss, partly because they're misogynist jerks and partly because ... well, they're apparently not very bright.

Allow me to point out a few things to them:

1. Taylor Swift is not the one dropping passes out there.

2. Taylor Swift is not the one who left Patrick Mahomes with a bunch of remainder-bin wide receivers, which is why they keep dropping passes out there.

3. Taylor Swift is not the one double- and sometimes triple-teaming her boyfriend on virtually every snap, because he's the only reliable receiving option Mahomes has left.

4., 5. and 6. Taylor Swift is not the one who hired Matt Nagy as the Chiefs offensive coordinator when Eric Bienemy left; not the one who gave Mahomes an offensive line that can't block a sunbeam; not the one who made Mahomes throw that awful pick six on Christmas, and tried to force a few other off-brand throws because his wideouts simply couldn't get separation.

All of the above is why the Chiefs lost on Christmas. All of the above is why they're slumping, having lost five of their last eight games.

Look. When the Chiefs began their southward turn, I was the first one to make a Yoko Ono joke about Taylor Swift. But I wasn't serious. It was a joke. I didn't for a second believe she was the reason the Chiefs were falling apart, or that she'd become such a distraction the Chiefs didn't look like the Chiefs anymore.

(A word about distraction: It's the most nonsense word in sports. It's what teams and/or the people who cover them use as an excuse when they poop the bed. As if, in the Chiefs case, Marques Valdez-Scantling was thinking OMIGOD TRAVIS IS DATING TAYLOR SWIFT! right before he dropped a pass. Please.)

Truth is, football players have been dating/marrying celebrity squeezes for decades -- anyone remember Joe Namath steppin' out with Raquel Welch back in the '60s? -- without it having any visible effect on their performance. It's the height of silliness to seriously suggest otherwise.

Although ...

Although the camera did catch Mahomes saying "Call the f***in' play!" at one point the other day, apparently indirectly addressing his OC Nagy.

But Michael, Keyshawn and Skip know the real story, by golly.

Come on, Taylor. Get on the stick.

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 16

 And now week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the hope-dashing Blob feature of which critics have said "Oh, great, now he's dashing our hopes, too! And at Christmas!", and also, "Bring your head over here and I'll show you some dashing!":

1. "Hey, look, we're somehow STILL in the playoff hunt!" (The "meh" Colts, after getting ball-peened by the equally "meh" Falcons)

2. "But you just got ball-peened by the FALCONS, for God's sake!" (Colts Nation)

3. "Yeah, but ..." (The Colts)

4. 'THE FALCONS!" (Colts Nation)

5. Meanwhile, the Chiefs!

6. Lost at home, on Christmas Day, to the Raiders, who hadn't beaten them since, I don't know, Daryle Lamonica was the Raiders quarterback.

7. "Hey, at least we play in a garbage division, so we're still in the playoff hunt!" (The Chiefs)

8. "Yeah, leave my boyfriend's team alone!" (Taylor Swift, resplendent in a Santa hat with Travis Kelce's number on it)

9. In other news,  the Cowboys Cowboy-ed it up again ... the Bengals ("We're in the playoff hunt, too!") forgot they had a game this week and got crushed by the previously hapless Steelers ... the Ravens paved San Francisco with Brock Purdy and the 49ers ... and, in a rare moment of hope undashed, the Lions clinched their first division title in 30 years.

10. "Yeah, b*tches! Suck on THAT!" (The Lions, presumably)