And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature with a surprise prize inside just waiting to jump out and say "Surprise!", and of which critics have said "Sinking to new lows is never a surprise with you," and also, "You jump out and say 'Surprise!', Imma surprise you by jumping on your face":
1. "Surprise!" (The Carolina Panthers, who jumped out and surprised the Super Bowl-bound Los Angeles Rams, causing the previously un-surpriseable Matthew Stafford to throw two picks in a 31-28 loss)
2. "What th-?" (Rams fans who came up with "Super Bowl-bound Rams" thing)
3. "Surprise!" (Joe Burrow, who jumped out, back into the Bengals lineup, to surprise the Ravens so much they turned it over five times in a 32-14 loss)
4. "What th-? We thought we were facing 80-year-old Joe Flacco again!" (The Ravens)
5. "Surpri- OK, so almost surprise!" (The Commanders, who surprised the high-riding Broncos enough to force overtime before losing 27-26)
6. "I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack!" (The Broncos)
7. "Surpri- OK, so not really." (The surging Texans, who beat the spiraling Colts, who've now lost three of their last four games)
8. Meanwhile, the Bears took down the Eagles 24-15, their fifth straight win and ninth in their last 10 games.
9. "Surprise, bleeping bleepers!" (The Bears)
10. "Double surprise!" (Bears coach Ben Johnson, tearing off his shirt in the locker room afterward and dancing around bare-chested*)
(* - No, really. He did.)
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