A very Patton episode

 They're calling for thunderstorms and buckets of rain in Washington D.C. today, and I for one am kinda bummed by that. It means Fearless Leader's Big Boy Birthday Parade might get washed out, and that means we wouldn't get to see tanks rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue for the first time since 1932, when they were greasing their treads with the living guts of the Bonus Army or some such thing.

(And, OK, so that's an exaggeration. But Doug MacArthur deploying troops against starving World War I vets and their families remains one of the more shameful episodes in American history, and several of the vets and at least one child did die that day. So it doesn't stretch the truth all that much.)

Anywa- 

I'm sorry, what?

Where's the Blob's standard disclaimer when it exits Sportsball World stage right?

Ah, you don't need it. Besides, I've got other fish to fry here.

Mainly, I've got the Big Boy himself trotting out his birthday gift to himself ("Wow, Ma, look at all those tanks and humvees and Bradley Fighting Vehicles! How cool!" you imagine him saying), and how it would be a shame if it didn't come off. It would also be a shame if Fearless Leader didn't crank his narcissism to the turbo setting and insert himself into his own parade.

I mean, you can just see it, can't you?

From the Washington Post, June 15, 2025: "The centerpiece of the parade was the President of the United States rolling past the White House atop a vintage M-4 Sherman tank, wearing a chest full of medals.  On his head he wore the shiny four-star-general helmet George C. Scott wore in the Oscar-winning film "Patton"; on his hip  was one of George S. Patton's famous pearl-handled revolvers. He carried a riding crop in one gloved hand ..."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "But that's just ridiculous. For one thing, they couldn't find a riding crop small enough."

OK, point taken. But if we're gonna do ridiculous here -- and nothing's more ridiculous than a $45-million parade to ego-stroke Fearless Leader's many insecurities -- we might as well go all the way, right?

So, yeah, let this Very Patton Episode of the Second Trump Regime play out.

Put Fearless Leader atop that tank. Let him fire a round or two at the ghosts of the Bonus Army, and grease his treads with the living guts of a few Fake News socialist/Commie reporters. Let him stand by the side of the road in his shiny helmet and riding boots and jodhpurs and say "Goddamn, I'm proud of these men!" like George C. did in "Patton."

It's the Big Boy's birthday, after all. Shouldn't he get to do Big Boy things?

Even if Dwight D. Eisenhower once said the United States copying the Soviet Union and other totalitarian regimes with military parades would make us look weak and silly?

Pffft. Eisenhower. What did that guy know about anything?