And now it's time for a humble bit the Blob calls Things I Don't Know, which could be the longest Blob post in recorded history except the editors (me) have promised to be ruthlessly edit-y.
Things I Don't Know:
* I don't know what the Cleveland Browns were thinking when they handed Deshaun Watson $238 million in guaranteed money, now that two of the 2,237 (OK, so only 22) massage therapists suing him have come forward with tales of his sick penis hijinks.
Of course, I frequently don't know what the Cleveland Browns are thinking. So there's that.
* Tangentially, I don't know what sort of book the NFL is going to throw at Thomas if it ever wraps up its investigation of said penis hijinks. But it better have some Tolstoy heft.
* I don't know how many people will tell Steve Kerr to shut up and coach after his entirely appropriate meltdown the other day in the wake of America's latest sacrifice to its gun fetish. But I'm guessing it will be the usual suspects on the usual platforms uttering the usual incoherencies.
* I don't know if the Warriors or the Celtics close out their respective conference championship series in Game 6. But I bet if they don't, they lose to the Mavs and the Heat by eleventy-hundred points because that's just the way the NBA playoffs roll this year.
* I don't know who's going to win the Indianapolis 500 this weekend, so quit asking. Also I'm going to devote an entire Blob post about it later this week, and why I will be wrong, again, as usual.
* I don't know if Josh Donaldson of the Yankees was just, well, joshing when he kept calling Tim Anderson of the White Sox "Jackie" awhile back, which got him suspended for one puny game by the splendidly lily-livered MLB commish, Rob Manfred. But I can't see how referencing Jackie Robinson's name to a black player could be construed as anything but a mocking slur.
I mean, it wasn't like he was saying "Gosh, Tim Anderson, when you said, off-handedly, that you felt like Jackie Robinson sometimes, I thought 'You know, he's right. He's as brave and filled with character as No. 42. So I'm gonna honor him by calling him 'Jackie.'"
Yeaaah, those groceries won't sell.
And lastly ...
* I don't know who are bigger piles of dog-doo, Yankees fans or Louis Blues fans. But I bet it' goes down to the wire after the former booed Anderson for objecting to Donaldson's mockery, and the latter hurled racist slurs and death threats across social media at Colorado's Nazem Kadri.
Oh, hell. Let's just call it a tie and be done with it, and them.
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