Tampa Tom, the Talking Head

 They're going to pay Tom Brady enough to choke two Derby fields next season, but not to throw footballs. FOX reportedly is throwing $375 million at him over the next decade to put on a tie and talk about football, which he probably knows a bit about.

("See, here's where you get the maintenance gnomes to deflate the football juuuust enough to give it the right feel in your hand," we can imagine Tom saying.)

("Wow, that had to hurt, getting sacked like that. Not that I would know. The zebras dropped laundry every time anyone breathed on me," we can also imagine him saying.)

Seriously, though, a few folks out there think he'll be lousy at talking about football, based on the way he presented himself to the media/public as a player. Bland would be one word you could use. Colorless would be another, although occasionally Brady would shock us with a burst of riotous beige.

Part of that was because he spent most of his career behind the Kremlin wall with the Patriots, the most anal organization in sports. And part of it was because he very carefully crafted an image that could best be described as Tom Brady, Action Figure. When he wasn't being guarded, he was being really guarded.

The Blob suspects that will not be a hindrance to him in the broadcast booth.

First of all, if FOX is going to pony up that sort of jing, it will go to any lengths to fit Brady with a personality. They'll feed him lines. They'll coach him like Lombardi coached Starr. They won't let him fail because they can't afford to have him fail.

And so he won't. One thing Brady isn't is dumb, and every so often he even flashes a sly, wicked sense of humor. I suspect that's the Brady that will emerge on the teevees. He'll never be Madden going all Picasso on the Telestrator, but he won't be some poor mope like Joe Montana, either.

Heck. He might even break out the beige on occasion.