Seahawkin'

(A transcript of the secret front-office meeting in which the Denver Broncos -- thought to be trolling for Aaron Rodgers -- decided  instead to swing a blockbuster deal for the Seahawks' Russell Wilson:)

Front Office Guy #1: "Well, boys ... looks like Rodgers is staying in Green Bay."

Front Office Guy #2: "(Bleeping) drama queen. 'Ooh, they traded all my favorite guys, ooh, I feel so disrespected, ooh, maybe I'll go to Denver.' (Bleep). (Bleep) his (bleeping) Real Wives of Green Bay, Bachelorette, crazy anti-vaxxer histrionics."

Front Office Guy #3: "And after we hired his offensive coordinator as our head coach to try to lure him here! Now what do we do with that guy?"

Front Office Guy #4: "Hey, there's always Russell Wilson."

Front Office Guys 1, 2 and 3: "Oh, sure. Like he's ever gonna leave Seattle."

Front Office Guy 4: "No, really! I hear he's kinda fed up with Pete Carroll. Hear he wouldn't mind getting away from the Cream-of-Wheat-for-brains, ain't-gonna-run-Marshawn-Lynch-on-the-1-yard-line doofus. It's worth a shot, right?"

(Brief pause as everyone thinks about it)

Front Office Guys 1, 2 and 3: "Y'know, if this true ..."

Front Office Guy 1: "Dudes! Russell Wilson!"

Front Office Guy 2: "Finally we'd have a quarterback like everyone else in our division!"

Front Office Guy 3: "No s***! I mean, come on. Mahomes, Carr, Herbert ... Drew Lock. Who else in here is tired of THAT bulls***?"

Front Office Guy 4: "Boy, would the Seahawks fans be pissed, or what? We get Russell, they get Drew Lock? Bwah-ha-ha-ha!"

(Brief pause as everyone thinks about that)

Front Office Guy 1, 2, 3 and 4: "Get 'em on the phone!"