It's a tough gig these days, being Our Only Available Completely Nutso President For One More Week. He can't even give stuff away.
He wanted to give New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick the Presidential Medal of Freedom, same as he gave it to the racist radio guy and that squirrely debunked debunker Devin Nunes. But Belichick said "Nah."
These things will happen when the For-Now Occupant's malignant fantasies incite an attack on the seat of government by fascist goons who beat a cop to death while chanting "USA! USA!" Ain't patriotism great?
So Belichick released a statement saying that in light of the aforementioned, he'd forgo the pleasure of accepting the Medal of Freedom at this time. The For-Now Occupant, it seems, is more radioactive than Chernobyl these days. Even the most bootlick-y of his bootlicks are figuratively fleeing the bunker now, somehow appalled by the inevitable endgame their slavish embrace of Trumpian delusion unleashed.
You've never seen such backpedaling, even from the Washington Football Team's DBs. Ain't expedience grand?
The Blob, meanwhile, is left to contemplate the difference between Belichick's statement, and what Belichick might actually have said. The latter, surely, was less eloquent and expansive than the former. In fact the Blob imagines it was very like the response Darth Hoodie gave on Super Bowl Media Day in 2012, when some radio guy from Boston showed up waving a red plastic tricorn hat.
"Bill, will you put this on?" Radio Guy hollered.
Belichick just stared at him.
"No, I'm not doing that," he said, in his most dismissive growly way.
You heard the man, Mr. President.
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