Close the door, there's a Draft

Tonight begins the Blob's favorite prime-time not-really-an-event, the NFL Draft, eagerly awaited by draft nerds and NFL obsessives because there's nothing more thrilling than the moment the Vikings, with the 146th pick in the 2019 NFL Draft, select Billy Bob, an offensive lineman from West Canaan, Texas.*

(* -- Random "Varsity Blues" reference. You're welcome.)

In any event, it's gonna be a whole pile of riveting hours waiting for Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair to move, and listening to arcane draft chatter. Who's got upside? Who's got downside? Who's a waist bender, who's got burst, who can Make All The Throws and Put The Ball In Tight Windows?

I can hardly wait.

OK, so I can.

OK, so the Blob is not where you come for draft-y insight. I don't know who the Colts are going to take with the 26th pick. It's an upset that I even know they have the 26th pick. All I can do is pass along what people who are paid to keep track of this stuff say, which is that the Horsies might take another offensive lineman, or maybe a defensive lineman, or maybe trade for defensive end Frank Clark of the Seahawks, who wants out because Seattle franchise-tagged him.

Elsewhere, I don't pretend to know anything, which puts me one up on Mel and McShay and all the other draft nerds who claim they do. This is because the only draft day tradition older than Roger Goodell looking really short shaking hands with every first-round pick is that everybody is lying about everything.

So, maybe the Arizona Cardinals take Heisman Trophy winner Kyler Murray with the first pick, or maybe they're just pullin' everybody's leg.

Maybe, if they do pick Murray, they then shop Josh Rosen, whom they took last year with their first pick. And maybe the Redskins or Giants are interested, unless the Redskins or Giants decide to draft Ohio State quarterback Dwayne Haskins, although the Giants swear they're fine with 58-year-old Eli Manning.

Or maybe Jon Gruden trades the rest of his team out there in Oakland -- including that one crazy-ass fan with roofing nails sprouting from his shoulder and elbow pads -- to get a crack at Murray. It seems Coach Chucky really likes Kyler, too. Plus he thinks his current quarterback, Derek Carr, is the '82 Ford Escort of quarterbacks.

In any case, as usual, quarterbacks will be high-end commodities. Mel even predicts four will go in the first round, including Murray, Haskins, Drew Lock of Missouri and Daniel Jones of Duke.

The Blob doesn't have any clue if that's a daring call or not. In fact, it only has one question about this draft, quarterback-wise.

Who takes a flier on Jon Moxon?*

(* -- "Varsity Blues" again. You're welcome.)