It's Masters week again in America, which means there will be many references to azaleas, and Amen Corner, and Magnolia Lane. Also the Cathedral of Pines. Also A Tradition Unlike Any Other, and Rae's Creek.
CBS will provide extensive beauty shots of golden shafts of sunlight falling on pines and azaleas and slanting across billiard-table greens and fairways. Jim Nantz will talk about Augusta National like it's better than heaven because God actually lives there in the Butler Cabin. He's also a big fan of Augusta's famous pimento cheese sandwiches, which are reputedly not very good but at least are cheap.
Also, there will be tinkly piano music.
(About which, the Blob has always wondered: Who recorded it? My guess is Nantz. Late one night, he slipped into the clubhouse, sat down at the old Steinway and started playing. God, Bobby Jones and Arnold Palmer stopped by to listen. Arnie made God buy a round.)
Anyway ... everyone's favorite golf tournament begins tomorrow, and as always there are questions. The Blob, in fact, has several. It also has answers.
1. Will Tiger Woods win?
(Answer: No. OK, maybe. But no.)
2. Will Charl Schwartzel be in the mix?
(Answer: You just asked that because you like saying "Charl Schwartzel", didn't you?)
3. How about Xander Schauffele?
(Answer: OK, stop it.)
4. Brooks Koepka?
(Answer: ENOUGH.)
5. Will Patrick Reed win again and thereby shed his reputation as, you know, kind of a big jerk?
(Answer: Maybe. And, no.)
6. How much does one of those pimento cheese sandwiches cost?
(Answer: $1.50.)
7. OK, I'll take five, then.
(Answer: That's not a question.)
8. Among Tiger, Rory, Rickie, Phil, D.J., Jordan, Justin and Keegan, who has the best shot?
(Answer: You forgot Ronaldo, LeBron, Steph, Serena and Zion.)
9. If Tommy Fleetwood wins, will he cut his hair?
(Answer: Let's hope not. He's the coolest guy out there because of it.)
10. Will Jim Nantz, at the behest of his Augusta National masters, go after him with shears in the Butler Cabin?
(Answer: Count on it.)
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