Night baseball

And now a complete list of those in this neck of America who made it all the way to the end of the longest World Series in history last night:

1. Night watchmen.

2. Third-trick factory workers.

3. Bats, raccoons, various other nocturnal creatures.

4. Last-call bartenders.

5. That one guy at the bar to whom the last-call bartender has to say "I mean it, buddy, you have to leave."

Eighteen innings and nearly 7 1/2 hours it took for the Red Sox and the Dodgers to settle things in Game 3, which means neither team understands how this World Series deal is supposed to work. It's supposed to be a best-of-seven series. There is nothing in the instructions that say you're supposed to play the entire series in one night.

Yet that is almost what the Red Sox and Dodgers did, and thank God for Max Muncy. If the guy doesn't finally end it with a walk-off home run in the 18th, they might still be playing. Or not. When you get into territory this uncharted, there really aren't any landmarks. I mean, what would have happened if they'd gotten to, say, the 25th inning with no resolution? Can you imagine the possible scenario?

UMPIRE (after the final out in the bottom of the 25th): OK, that's it. I'm calling this off.

RED SOX AND DODGERS: Wait, what? Why?

UMPIRE: Why? Why?? For God's sake, look around you! The ballpark is empty! Everyone left hours ago! It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and this is the West Coast! People are eating breakfast on the East Coast! People in England who were eating breakfast when it started are having their afternoon tea!

RED SOX AND DODGERS: Yeah, but ... we can't just quit.

UMPIRE: Sure you can! I'm the ump, and I said so! Go home. Get some sleep. Come back in about 10 hours and we'll finish this thing.

RED SOX AND DODGERS: But ... but ... that'll throw the whole schedule off!

FOX TV SUIT: Yeah, that'll throw the whole schedule off!

UMPIRE: I don't care. This is stupid. You've been playing so long Clayton Kershaw's kid is warming up in the bullpen. Half the Red Sox are drawing social security. And Justin Turner's beard is so long Cabela's has made a winter coat out of it. Enough.

FOX TV SUIT (again): But that'll throw the whole schedule off!

UMPIRE: Sorry. We're goin' home. I mean, come on, neither team has any players left. The Dodgers are warming up a beer vendor. The Red Sox just called out to Arizona to see if they could unfreeze  Ted Williams and send him up to pinch-hit. It's time.

FOX TV SUIT: But what about the schedule??

(Looks around. Everyone is gone.)

Hello? Um ... hello?