Oh, no, not another Civil War

The Blob usually refrains from posts that don't incorporate something from Sportsball World, or whatever mixed martial arts is. But this is too good to pass up.

We're havin' us a second Civil War, boys and girls!

Or so says Alex Jones, gibbering lunatic of the right, a sad creature whose ravings put you in mind of someone sitting in a corner fending off imaginary intergalactic spiders with an imaginary ray gun. Alex's latest hallucination involves the most evil people who ever strode the Earth (i.e., the Democrats), who he says are going to launch a Civil War on Independence Day.

Faithful Blobophiles know this is irresistible fodder for the Blob, a Civil War nerd from way back. I even dress up like an imaginary Union officer on occasion. (See photo at bottom*)

Anyway ... Alex says the imaginary intergalactic spiders tell him the Civil War is coming. Which of course has prompted the Blob to come up with the Complete Imaginary Historical Facts Of The Second Civil War, Even Though It's Not History Yet.

Some excerpts:

* The first shots were fired from the backyard of the guy who lives next to the White House, when one of his Silver Salutes went off course and set fire to a 12-foot tall, spot-lit portrait of Our Only Available President, Donald J. "Donny" Trump, recently installed by Trump himself on the White House lawn.

* The greatest MAGA defeat came on the Fourth, when the Democrats infiltrated turkey dogs into the traditional Fourth of July weenie roast. They also failed to burn any American flags like the spiders told Alex Jones they would, and the President once again forgot the words to God Bless America, proving himself once more to be a big jaw-flapping phony.

* The greatest rebel defeat came when Gen. George "Half-Caf" Pickett's credit card was refused at Starbucks as he tried to send the President 500 caramel macchiatos. Pickett's Charge had failed!

* Hispanic immigrants did not take part in the fighting, on account of they had families to feed and bills to pay and so they had to go to work like everyone else. This was another grievous defeat for the MAGA forces, who had been led to believe by the President that the Hispanic immigrants were all murderers, drug dealers and freeloaders who were coming here to destroy America.

* The war finally ended in a truce, when the Democrat rebels agreed to stop yelling and hollering and raising cane if the President would give them a reason to do so, like stop yelling and hollering and raising cane himself.

Also they would stop pointing out that the President had no clothes, policy-wise, if the President would agree to start wearing some.

*Imaginary Civil War officer Lt.
 Benjamin "Flight Risk" Smith