And now this week's installment of the faintly acclaimed Blob feature, The NFL In So Many Words:
1. Tom Brady is finished!
2. ... beating up on the Bengals!
3. The Patriots will never win another game!
4. ... after beating up on the Bengals!
5. It's Tuesday morning and Peyton Manning is still throwing touchdown passes.
6. It's Tuesday morning and Drew Brees is still throwing pick sixes.
7. Meanwhile, in Washington, the zebras are still holding their own against the Seahawks, while the Washington Racial Slurs look on.
8. Final score: Zebras 3, Percy Harvin 0.
9. Final, final score: Russell Wilson 1, Zebras 0, Seahawks 27.
10. ... and the Racial Slurs 17.