Cruds alert!

 It's the day after the Fourth of July, epicenter of summer here in America, and that means hotdogs on the grill and your drunk Uncle Charlie losing a finger or two to an M-80 ("Oopsie!" Uncle Charlie said, drunkenly), and, of course, baseball.

Perfect time to check in on our favorite Cru-

"No, dammit!" you're howling. "Not your stupid Pirates no one cares about! Not, not, NOT!"

Hold on a second. Lemme finish.

What I was going to say is it's time to check in the REAL Cruds, the cruddiest of the Cruds, the Cruds who set the standard for Crudness here in the year of our Lord 2024.

I'm talking, of course, about the Chicago White Sox. Or the Chicago What Sox, as in "What??"

As of this morning after the Fourth, the What Sox are 39 games under .500, or 25-64.

They're 31 games out of first in the AL Central, and 15 games out of next-to-last.

And they've won five fewer games than anyone else in MLB.

In other words, they are the Kings of Crud. No one else is close.

This includes even my Pittsburgh Cruds, who this morning are in fourth place in the NL Central, a comfy two games clear of their ancestral home in the cellar. That's currently being occupied by the wretched Chicago Cubs -- who this summer are taking their faithful back to the days of yore on the north side, when the Bearcubs couldn't get out of their own way and people tuned in just hear Harry mangle Rafael Palmeiro's name.

(He pronounced it "Palermo.")

Anyway, my Cruds can't hold a candle to the What Sox, though if they did they'd probably drop it and set the grass on fire. This is because they've got a rookie pitcher (Paul Skenes) who's absolutely sawing off bats, and a stud shortstop (Oneil Cruz) who isn't hurt so far, and some other guys who actually resemble baseball players.

The What Sox?

The What Sox got nothin'. They've been looking for a place to fall down since April. I can't imagine what it's like to be in their clubhouse right now, or what it's like to be a former colleague of mine who's the What Sox beat writer for the Chicago Tribune.

LaMond, if you're listening, you don't deserve this, buddy. You absolutely do not.

And as for the rest of you ...

Fine. I'll shut up now.