... and, no, it doesn't involve the Florida Panthers, Colorado Avalanche, Nashville Predators and New York Rangers, all of whom won last night in Stanley Cup playoff games.
No, today's news comes from the U18 world hockey tournament, where Kuwait, which might or might not actually have a U18 hockey team, lost a tight one to Thailand the other day. The final score in this nailbiter?
57-0.
No, I'm not making that up.
Not making up that Thailand outshot the Kuwaitis 121-1, either.
One-hundred twenty-one shots! Man, I can just hear the conversation between the Kuwaiti coach and his goalie before the next game.
Coach: Marc-Andre (probably not his real name), you're starting in goal again today.
Probably Not Marc-Andre: Nuh-uh!
This assumes, of course, that there actually is a Probably Not Marc-Andre, which the Blob regards as highly unlikely. I'm guessing the Kuwaiti goalie is actually a live-size cutout modeled on the goalies from your old table-hockey game. You remember, right?
As to the rest of the Kuwaiti players ...
Well, I'm stumped.
I have no idea where the Kuwaitis found players so bad they lost 57-0 to Thailand, which isn't exactly crawling with Connor McDavids and Auston Mathewses, either. Did the national hockey program begin, like, a month ago? Did they pick the team by lining everyone up at one blue line and saying "OK, everyone who can skate to the other blue line without falling down makes the team"? And who's the lucky kid who got Kuwait's only shot on goal, and was he treated like a national hero back home?
Other questions: At some point, out of simple human decency if nothing else, was a running clock deployed? When the game was over, did the Kuwaiti coach channel Herb Brooks and make 'em skate Herbies until they dropped? Did he try to fire them up with an inspirational Herb Brooks-style pregame speech?
Kuwaiti Coach: Tonight, you ... are the best hockey team in the world.
Kuwaiti Players (convulsing with laughter): As if!
Through all of this, I keep coming back to poor Probably Not Marc-Andre, and what a wreck he must have been after facing 121 shots. Or maybe the Kuwaitis tried three or four Probably Marc-Andres in the course of the game. In which case the Kuwaiti coach may have looked up after the game and seen three or four sets of goalie pads lying on the locker room floor, as if the Probably Marc-Andres had all been raptured up or something.
Imagine Probably Not Coach Brooks' astonishment.
Probably Not Coach Brooks: Hey, what happened to Probably Not Marc-Andre, and the other Probably Not Marc-Andre, and the other Probably Not Marc-Andre?
Kuwaiti Players (pointing toward the showers): They're all in there, sitting in the corners, twitching and mumbling to themselves. It's kinda creepy, actually. Also they refuse to come out.
No doubt.
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