Those terroristic dinosaur frogs

 

Went down to the big No Kings to-do on the courthouse square yesterday, because it was a crazy warm afternoon for almost-late October, and also because I'd never seen an actual  criminal-loving anti-fascist terrorist and figured this would be a good chance to do so.

Criminals and anti-fascist terrorists, after all, were what our President and his various flunkies and flacks were calling the No Kings crowd ahead of Saturday's event. Said they hated America. Said they were being paid by that evil George Soros (aka, "That Evil George Soros") to hate America and terrorize our cities and I don't know what all.

Well. Let me tell you, it was just as terroristic and America-hating as the President and every other true American said.

I mean, the first thing I saw was an inflatable unicorn. An inflatable unicorn!

He (or she) was standing on the curb with a bunch of other terrorists, bullying passing motorists into honking their horns in "solidarity." It was just the sort of thing Hamas would have done, which was no surprise considering the inflatable unicorn was probably a Hamas operative paid by That Evil George Soros to be there.

Anyway, there was the unicorn and a bunch of people with signs and a couple of guys in cowboy hats riding inflatable chickens. There was a woman waving a Trump flag, only instead of "Trump" it said "Resist." Another woman was holding up a sign that read, "I like my country how I like my bourbon WITHOUT ICE," which I had to admit was sort of clever in an America-hating terroristic anti-fascist way.

Oh, it was some scary crowd, all right. And I'm not just talking about the street preacher with the sound system haranguing everyone about taking Jesus into their lives because Jesus was the only real king. 

I'm talking about the thousands of  young people and old people and veterans and women with green hair who turned out. I'm talking about the three guys I saw walking down the street dressed in Star Trek uniforms. I'm talking about the inflatable frog -- a tribute, no doubt, to the inflatable frog terrorists out in Portland who were burning down the city and assaulting our brave geared-up National Guardsmen with their froggy violence.

The inflatable frog was palling around with an inflatable dinosaur and an inflatable American eagle, last I saw them. You could tell just by looking at them they were plotting some sort of heinous anti-fascist act of America hatred.

There was also a guy dressed as Superman, and a pirate, and some smartass with a sign asking George Soros where his money was. Oh, and a woman in a wheelchair wearing an orange prison jumpsuit and a crown.

I guess she was supposed to be Our President. As if Our President has ever broken any laws or been convicted of 34 felonies or anything.

I also saw a guy dressed as the Dude from "The Big Lebowski," which I thought was funny so I went up to him and asked if he'd like a white Russian, and also is Walter around anywhere? 

He laughed appreciatively, and I laughed with him. But his laugh sounded vaguely terroristic and America-hating, so I quickly moved on. 

Pretty soon I bumped into a senior citizen wearing a shirt with a Kurt Vonnegut quote on it: "We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane." It was just the sort of un-American sentiment you'd expect from an America-hating Hamas terrorist like Vonnegut, so I asked the senior citizen if I could take a picture of it. Evidence, you know.

He said sure. A little too readily, now that I think on it. And there was this look in his eye ...

In truth, he and the other senior citizens -- and there were a gob-lot of them -- scared me more than anyone else. Oh, sure, they were smiling and laughing and peacefully protesting on this beautiful afternoon. But there was something, well, off about it all. It was like any second they were going to drop the act and start committing terroristic America-hating violence.

So I hung around for awhile, waiting for them to reveal themselves. But it never happened. Not even the inflatable dinosaurs and frogs and unicorns and the two inflatable cartoon characters I saw on one street corner erupted in violence -- and lemme tell you, you've never seen violence until it's been committed by inflatable dinosaurs and frogs and unicorns and cartoon characters.

I figure they must have been onto me.

And so after awhile I wandered over to the lawn directly in front of the courthouse, where a young woman was wafting soap bubbles into the benevolent October air. They turned and drifted and floated serenely on the breeze, irridescent in the pale sunlight. It was just about as violently terroristic as church on Sunday morning.

Clever, I thought. Verrry clever.