Extinctual

 So, then: The Utah Mammoth.

That's the new official nickname of the currently-named Utah Hockey Club of the NHL, and, listen, I've got NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER with naming a hockey team after a huge, lumbering extinct animal. If you weren't gonna name it the Blizzard on account of there's already a Colorado Avalanche, and the Stormin' Mormons would have stirred up too much religious hoo-ha, I suppose the Mammoth will serve as well as anything.

True, it doesn't exactly conjure up images of a blazing 3-on-2 break, with two swift wingers flashing down the ice and a blur at center looking to dish the biscuit at the speed of light. But Mammoth works for me.

This is because here in my hometown we have a Division I university (Purdue-Fort Wayne) whose nickname is the Mastodons, another extinct lumbering creature. It's unique, which might be just a polite way of saying "weird."  Seems to suit PFW just fine, though.

(A brief historical aside: Reputedly the Mastodons became the Mastodons because the bones of one were once unearthed on what are now the school grounds. Me, I prefer to think it's because PFW's mascot, Don the Mastodon, was out of work and needed a paying gig. But what do I know?)

In any event, if you can have Mastodons as a nickname for your basketball and volleyball and baseball teams, you can surely have Mammoth for your hockey team. The historical context may be a trifle sketchy (Did vast herds of mammoth once roam what is now Utah? Beats me, I wasn't there), but you could whip up a suitably fierce-looking mascot named, I don't know, Marvin or something. And think of the marketing possibilities!

Piles of Marvin the Mammoth stuffed animals for the kids. Recordings of the official team song, "The Mammoth Mash." T-shirts with slogans such as "Everything's Extinctual", "Tusk This", "Wild And Woolly", and "I Got Mashed By The Mammoth", accompanied by various other NHL logos.

"That's just silly, Mr. Blob," you're saying now.

Yeah, well. Just you wait.