A name game

 The big news out of Bloomington, In., this week is Indiana University is bringing back the bison as the school's official mascot, which it hasn't been for going on 60 years.

This is all well and good and appropriate, considering the bison is on the Indiana state seal, and also considering Indiana has always struggled to latch onto an appropriate mascot. When your nickname is "Hoosiers," after all, you pretty much got nothin' in the mascot department.  That's because not even a Hoosier can tell you for sure what a Hoosier is.

So, sure, bring on the bison. It would be cool if IU could make it a live bison, but Ralphie the Buffalo at Colorado might sue for copyright infringement. So Indiana's bison will be a human wearing a bison head.

The problem here is not that. The problem is what Indiana has decided to call its mascot: Hoosier The Bison.

And, yes, I get it, the original Bison mascot from the '60s was also called Hoosier The Bison, so this is an homage of sorts. But come on, people. You couldn't put your thinking caps on and come up with something original? Something more, I don't know, fun? 

For instance, would it have killed someone in the IU brain trust to have piped up and said something like, "Hey, what about Bernie? Bernie The Bison?"

Bernie The Bison! Now we're talkin'.

I mean, think of the possibilities: Bernie hats and Bernie T-shirts and Bernie  beanies, even. Bernie could make personal appearances at elementary schools and nursing homes and bake sales and the like. He could ride a Big Wheel in the Little 500. IU could change 'Burning Down The House' to 'Bernie-ing Down The House' and make it the football team's official entrance music.

Heck. Coach Cig could even award Bernie stickers to players who make big plays, like Ohio State does with those buckeye stickers. Opponents would take one look at all the Bernie stickers on those helmets and think, "Dee-yam, these guys must be good."

"Well, that's just the silliest thing ever," you're saying now.

OK, fine. Be that way. But what would you call the Bison? Brad?

Brad The Bison.

Now that's really silly.