Early-onset carnage

 We've got the Dolphins at the Bills tonight in the NFL's weekly Let's See What Happens When We Make Teams Play Two Games In Four Days extravaganza, and the best thing you can say about that is both starting quarterbacks are still upright.

Josh Allen is doing Josh Allen things for the unbeaten Bills. Tua Tagovailoa went 26-of-32 for 315 yards and two scores for the Dolphins last week, but the 0-2 Fish still lost at home to the Patriots because apparently that's who they're going to be this season.

But, hey. At least they're not the Bengals, who have to get along without Joe Burrow for the next three months because he mangled his toe bad enough to require surgery.

Ditto the Vikings, who lost J.J. McCarthy to a high ankle sprain for an indeterminate length of time Sunday.

Ditto the Jets, who lost Justin Fields perhaps for the season with a concussion. Ditto the Washington Commanders, whose precocious star Jayden Daniels is day-to-day this week with a knee sprain. And ditto the 49ers, who already had lost Brock Purdy by week 2 and are hopeful he'll be good to go this week. 

So two weeks into a season that lasts longer than the director's cut of "Gone With The Wind", five QB1s have already gone on the shelf or partly on the shelf. Makes you wonder where we'll be 16 weeks from now, when the NFL finally and reluctantly says "OK, that's enough games I GUESS" and calls it a season.

I figure either Virgil Carter or Ken Anderson will be suiting up for the Bengals by then.

And where's Richard Todd these days, speaking of the Jets?

Paging Joe Kapp. Paging Joe Kapp. The Vikings need you to come down from your celestial abode, lower your head and run over a linebacker or two.

And bring Sammy Baugh's heavenly spirit with you. The Commanders aren't the Racial Slurs anymore, but they're still Slingin' Sam's old team.

I exaggerate for effect, of course, but if the league's going to lose or partly lose five starting quarterbacks every two weeks, that means all 32 starters are going to be in the MASH unit by season's end. This is highly unlikely to happen, of course, but the prospect of tuning in Colts-Texans in week 18 and seeing Riley Leonard squaring off against Graham Mertz still exists.

Look. I get it. It's the NFL, giant humans crashing into one another like Mack trucks at 70 mph. Owies are going to happen. Ligaments will tear. Muscles will pop like balloons. Joints will come unjointed.

But the annual carnage season starting so early, and including five quarterbacks, must surely be disquieting for the NFL's boardroom set. QBs being the league's most valuable asset, rule czars have bent over backwards to all but bubble-wrap them.

You can still touch a quarterback, but you can't, you know, TOUCH HIM. You can't hit him above the chest. You can't hit him below the chest. You can't throw him to ground in a disdainful manner, or plead gravity if you land on top of him, or hit him really really hard when he's not looking.

 And of course, you absolutely cannot -- cannot -- accidentally touch his helmet, because the zebras will dust for fingerprints to make sure. 

And yet.

And yet, two weeks in, the quarterback trauma unit is already filling up. 

It's gonna be a long season. Keep your phone handy, Slingin' Sam.

Dodging the point

 Perhaps I'm just a hair slow on the uptake. I have been accused of such. It is not an accusation devoid of evidence, regrettably.

So I'm reading this story about Tom Brady being caught on camera wearing a headset in the Las Vegas Raiders' coaching booth Monday night, and how the NFL rolled out a statement saying it was fine, A-OK, he didn't violate any league rules. This is because, as a man with a minority stake in the Raiders, there are restrictions about what he can and can't do.

The league said being in the coaching booth with a headset on wasn't a can't-do. So no problem-o.

This is where I said, "Yeah, but ..."

Yeah, but what about Tom's other gig? You know, the one for which Fox is paying him $375 million over the next 10 years?

The league didn't address that. And the story I read didn't mention the (to me, anyway) sketchy optics of a part-owner pal-ing around with the help in the coaching booth when he's also being paid a good chunk of change as an NFL broadcaster. 

At least until well down in the buried-lede section, that is.

"As a broadcaster, he gets access to other teams' players and coaches that other owners do not have, raising concerns about a conflict of interest," the story finally mentioned, nine paragraphs down.

Well, NO S***, SHERLOCK.

"Concerns about a conflict of interest"? Well, I sure would hope so. There should be concerns, because it is a conflict interest. A great big steaming pile of a conflict, especially when Tom Brady the partial-owner-who's-also-a-broadcast shows up on Monday Night Football wearing a headset in an NFL team's coaching booth.

To me, that's the story here, not that Brady may or may not have violated any rules as a partial team owner. I didn't think there was anything egregious about that, although the league clearly thought it was egregious enough to release a statement. No, the egregious part is Fox paying TB12 major jack to cover the NFL while also being a part of the NFL.

A part made glaringly obvious by what happened Monday night. Or so it seems to me, Mr. Slow-On-The-Uptake.

The less slow, after all, will point out that the NFL initially allowed Brady to work for Fox only with certain restrictions, many of which it's since relaxed. They'll also point out, by-the-by, that the league pays the networks a truckload of cash to broadcast the games, which by extension advances the NFL brand. It's a symbiosis that makes crusty old journos like me queasy, but we are after all relics of a prehistoric time when conflicts of interest were something to be avoided, not enthusiastically embraced.

The networks and the leagues threw all that over the side years ago. Ditto the Meathead Brigade steering the national tour bus right now, whose conflicts are many and brazen. The day when they were a black mark for a public servant is as over as zoot suits and rumble seats.

In which case, reserve me a seat in your '37 DeSoto. Because I think everyone dodged the point on Headset Tom, and I ain't changin' my mind.

As a broadcaster, he gets access to other teams' players and coaches that other owners do not have, raising concerns about a conflict of interest.

The NFL recently relaxed some of its restrictions for Brady in that role, including allowing him to take part in production meetings -- when a broadcast crew meets with that game's head coaches and key players -- this season. He must take part in those meetings remotely, and he isn't allowed to attend practices at team facilities.

Mortality 3, Hockey 0

 I don't know if the good Lord's hot at hockey, or if he's just a Maple Leafs fan who's mad at the game because the Leafs keep choking in the playoffs. But lately he sure has been kicking around the Sport of Kings (the Los Angeles Kings, that is).

Why, just look at what's happened in the last two weeks.

Lonnie Loach, local Fort Wayne Komets legend and the guy who scored maybe the most important goal in the franchise's 74-year-old history, was taken from us by cancer at the way-too-soon age of 57.

A couple of days later, cancer also took Ken Dryden -- arguably the greatest goaltender in the history of the game, and certainly the greatest for the nine years he backstopped the mighty Montreal Canadiens in the 1970s. Apparently the Big C was being even more of a jackwagon than usual that week.

And just today, a week after Dryden passed ...

Comes now the news that Eddie Giacomin has died at the age of 86.

If you don't remember Eddie G, hop a plane to New York and you'll get an education. Rangers fans remember him well there, and not just because no Ranger has worn his No. 1 since 1989, when the club retired it. It's the least they could do for the prematurely graying goalie who wore the Ranger blue for 11 seasons, finished up with the Detroit Red Wings and retired after the 1977-78 season with 290 wins and 54 shutouts in 610 regular-season games.

Nine years later, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Probably shouldn't have taken that long.

So, not quite three weeks, three hockey leges gone. Mortality 3, Eddie Shore 0, some such thing.

Please, Lord. Root for someone else. Hockey needs a break.

A few brief thoughts about NFL Week 2

 And now another edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the ecumenical Blob feature in which the lowly rise and the mighty fall, and of which critics have said "How 'bout you FALL down these stairs?", and also "How 'bout I RISE from this chair and smack you in the chops?":

1. A week after 65-year-old Aaron Rodgers threw four touchdown passes against the Jets and folks in Pittsburgh were saying "See, he can so be 29 again," he throws two picks, puts up a 58.0 quarterback rating and gets outplayed by Sam Darnold in a two-touchdown loss to the Seahawks.

2. "Ah, I knew he was washed." (Folks in Pittsburgh)

3. "Hey, look! We beat the Chiefs again!" (The Eagles)

4. "Yeah, but it was only the Chiefs. THE 0-2 CHIEFS." (America)

5. "Ya know, Caleb Williams played pretty well this week." (Bears fans)

6. "Ya know, I threw five touchdown passes this week and we rose from last week's humiliation to pound the Bears into a shapeless mass, 52-21." (Lions QB Jared Goff)

7. "Great. Now someone ELSE owns us." (Bears fans)

8. In other news, the Cowboys needed a 64-yard field goal and overtime to beat the not-really-all-that-big Giants; the winless Dolphins lost to the unbeaten Patriots in Miami;  the Falcons (the Falcons!) beat up the Vikings as Minnesota QB J.J. McCarthy (the New Franchise Quarterback!) threw two picks, fumbled three times and put up a quarterback rating of 37.5; and Cincinnati's impeccable Joe Burrow suffered a might-as-well-be-season-ending injury.

9. "Oh, no! Poor Joe Burrow!" (America)

10. "Woo-hoo! Now I get an ENTIRE SEASON where I don't have to be perfect every week for this sorry-ass franchise to win!" (Joe Burrow)

Wait ... what?

 And now to introduce a new Blob feature "Wait ... What?", which may or may not be an entire series or just a made-for-TV movie depending on whether or not the circumstances call for it, or how fast the Blob gets bored with it:

* Wait ... what? You mean the Indianapolis Colts might actually be, you know, good?

Beat the Denver Broncos 29-28 on a walk-off field goal by Spencer Shrader because -- irony alert -- the Broncos did a Colts thing. Which was, get tagged for a penalty that erased Shrader's initial miss from 60 yards and moved him 15 yards closer. The 45-yarder was true and the Horsies beat the other Horsies while fans in Denver no doubt gnashed their teeth and threw salsa and clam dip at their TV screens.

* Wait ... what? You mean Daniel Jones -- DANIEL JONES! -- might actually be good, too?

Two starts, two wins. Racked a 107.0 quarterback rating after a 23-of-34, 316-yard day. Threw one touchdown pass and no interceptions. So far this season he's completed 71 percent of his throws (45-of-63) for 588 yards and two scores, and has yet to throw a pick. His season rating so far is 111.1.

"But, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "What about how crummy he was with the Gi-"

Shhh.

* Wait ... what? You mean Tennessee's running another play?

Aw, you bet. Ball's on the Georgia 19 with seven seconds to play. Thirty-six yard field goal, or thereabouts, for the win, which would be the Volunteers' first against the Bulldogs in the last nine meetings.

But, noooo!

Tennessee coach Josh Heupel decided to run one more play instead. No, I don't know why. Some short circuit in the cranial region, I assume.

Anyway, the Vols line up, get stuffed on a run into the line, and ... get flagged for illegal procedure. Ball is moved back five yards, making it a 43-yard attempt for kicker Max Gilbert instead of a 36-yard attempt. Gilbert pushes the 43-yarder wide right, the game goes to overtime, and Georgia beats Rocky Top for the night straight time, 44-41.

Oopsie.

* Wait ... what? You mean Mickey Mantle's in the news AGAIN?

Sure is, boys and girls. Just a handful of days after Yankees slugger Aaron Judge passed Joe DiMaggio on the Pinstripes' career homer list, leaving only Babe Ruth, Mantle and Lou Gehrig ahead of him, Cal Raleigh of the Mariners his 54th homer of the 2025 campaign. This got Mantle's name in print once more, because Raleigh's latest jack broke the Mick's record for most home runs in a season by a switch hitter.

Two keyword mentions in a week. Not bad for a guy who's been gone for 30 years.

And last but not least ...

* Wait ... what? You mean the Colorado Rockheads only need one win in their last 12 games to avoid tying the 2024 Chicago What Sox for the most losses in a season in the modern baseball era?

You better believe it, bubba.

The Rockheads have lost their last two and eight of their last 10, but on Friday they beat the San Diego Padres 4-2 and much joy was heard throughout the land. That's because it was their 41st win of the season, which means they can do no worse than tie the '24 What Sox, who finished 41-121. And if they can go 1-11 to end the season, they they can officially lord it over the What Sox forever and ever, so phooey on you.

"Plus, we got mountains!" the Rockheads will no doubt add.

Art, meet life

 God bless that John Daly. He is a man of the people. He is as normal as normal gets -- if, that is, "normal" is a grown man who wears Garanimal-style pants and a Devil Anse Hatfield beard, and travels around hitting golf balls at places far too refined for the likes of him.

See what he did the other day?

Went full Chili-Dip Chuck in an actual for-real PGA event. Channeled one of them-there movie stars. Made life imitate art.

What Daly did was, on the par-5 12th hole at Minnehaha Country Club in Sioux City, S.D., card a 19. No, that is not a misprint. And, no, that was not the old lady in "Caddyshack" playing the hole, the one who keeps swatting her ball into the water while saying "Whee!"

It was John Daly. Professional golfer.

Who hit his tee ball into the rough, and then proceeded to knock his next seven shots into the water hazard on the 12th. When he finally cleared the water, his ball found another patch of rough. Eventually, on his 17th hack, he reached the collar of the green, then got it up and down for his 19.

"Dee-yam, Martha, come look at this!" you can imagine Chili-Dip Chuck saying, taking another swig of his Natty Light. "John Daly played that hole just like I woulda! We are  brothers under the skin, ya can't tell me otherwise!"

Well, of course he is. He's also Kevin Costner from "Tin Cup", who played a driving-range pro who blows the U.S. Open because he stubbornly keeps hitting balls into the water on the 72nd hole trying to prove he can clear it.

Who's that sound like?

Aw, you bet it sounds like John Daly. In fact it sounds exactly like the John Daly who, back in 1998, carded an 18 on a par-5 in the Bay Hill Invitational by hitting a 3-wood into the water six straight times.

"Gee, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "Why didn't he club up?"

I dunno. Why didn't Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy club up in the movie?

"'Cause he was tryin' to prove something, dummy!" Chili-Dip Chuck would no doubt reply. "Just like ol' John Daly! Hell, I'd have done the same thing, and I'm not even a pro or a movie guy!"

For sure. Oh, and one last thing: Daly finished the round with an 88. Which means he somehow shot a halfway decent 71 on the other 17 holes.

Let's see art imitate that.

A Doomerville too far

 Mid-September in South Bend, Indiana, and the saints already are rending their garments. Saint Lou of Holtz is saying he's scared to death of Rice (again!). Saint Frank of Leahy is moaning, "Oh, lads." And Saint Knute of Rockne is wondering if it's time to make up another story about George Gipp.

Heard the news?

 It's mid-September, and the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame are 0-2.

Lost on the road at Miami. Had two weeks to prepare for their home opener against Texas A&M, and lost again.

This means Domerville is now Doomerville, or something akin. Or maybe it doesn't.

Consider, first of all, that the Irish lost by three on the road against a Miami team that's now ranked fifth by the Associated Press. Consider, also, that they lost by one at home last night to another ranked team when A&M quarterback Marcel Reed threw a touchdown pass on fourth down with 13 seconds to play.

So what does this mean?

It means Notre Dame, at the moment, is not quite as good as it was a year ago. It means the Irish aren't quite as deep in certain places, particularly on defense, and that they're breaking in a redshirt freshman at QB1,and that the combination of the two are going to make it a lot harder to beat teams like Miami and Texas A&M, both of whom brought experienced quarterbacks to the table with Swiss-knife skill sets.

None of this should shock have shocked anyone. But of course it will, because it's Notre Dame, and because the Irish blew two 10-point leads at home last night, and because when you're ranked as high as sixth in the notoriously value-thin preseason polls, you're supposed to be better than that. Also, again, you're Notre Dame.

Except sometimes you're not. Or at least you're not that Notre Dame, the one that rode a crushing ground game and a suffocating defense to the national title game nine months ago.

And so Not That Notre Dame traveled down to Miami, which was waiting with Chip Beck, last seen starting at quarterback for Georgia. And then they came back to Notre Dame Stadium to face 16th-ranked A&M, which had Reed, a sophomore who threw for 1,834 yards and 15 touchdowns and ran for 547 yards and seven sixes last year  as a redshirt freshman.

Last  night, Reed averaged 5.3 yards per carry on seven totes and threw for 360 yards and two scores, including the clutch pitch to tight end Nate Boerkircher to pull out the 41-40 win.

Notre Dame quarterback C.J. Carr, meanwhile, was 20-of-32 for 293 yards and a touchdown to running back Jeremiyah Love, who once again carried the bulk of the offensive load: 94 yards and a touchdown on the ground; four catches for 53 yards and a touchdown as a receiver.

Carr, meanwhile, made some big throws. He also missed a few, and threw a pick. Still, the Irish churned out 23 first downs and 429 total yards, which should have been sufficient for the W had the D been able to stop Reed and Co.

Alas, it couldn't. The Aggies dinged the Irish for 488 total yards, averaging 7.07 per snap. It pushed Notre Dame around up front, where Le'Veon Moss gashed the Irish for 81 yards and three sixes on 20 carries. And the A&M wideouts absolutely flamed the Irish secondary -- particularly Mario Craver (seven catches, 207 yards, one score) and KC Concepcion (four catches, 82 yards).

Conclusion: Notre Dame has enough weapons on offense. It doesn't yet have enough on defense.

Other, less gloomy conclusion: It's still going to be good enough to beat everyone else on its schedule, starting with Purdue next week. USC might give the Irish pause, but the Trojans don't come to South Bend until Oct. 18. Ditto Arkansas on the road in two weeks. Ditto, I don't know, North Carolina or Pitt or Syracuse, none of whom the Irish play until November.

Call this Doomerville a Doomerville too far, in other words. At least right now. Remember, in the meantime, last Sept. 7, when Doomerville was up in arms after the Irish jacked around and lost to Northern Illinois in their 2024 home opener.

Notre Dame never lost again until the national championship game.