'Dog show

 Baseball is our game, Walt Whitman once wrote, but he never saw what happened in Miami last night. He never heard a bunch of scrappy underdogs -- because aren't underdogs always "scrappy"? -- singing, shouting, howling "Gloria Al Bravo Pueblo" into the south Florida night as if it were, I don't know, "The Star-Spangled Banner" or something.

"Gloria Al Bravo Pueblo", you see, is the Venezuelan national anthem. And that's what a bunch of weeping, hugging Venezuelan baseball players were singing at the end of Venezuela 3, USA 2.

Turned the championship game of the World Baseball Classic into a 'dog show, the Venezuelans did. As in, "underdog show."

The Americans were supposed to win last night, transforming what is frankly America's Passed Time into America's Pastime again. But, just as in 2023, they lost 3-2 in the title game. Three years ago to Japan; last night to the Venezuelans.

Which suggests America the Great Exporter has done a bang-up job of exporting one of its most cherished cultural treasures.

And the hugging and crying  and belting out of their national anthem by the Venezuelans?

Well, that suggested something else.

"This country needs this happiness with all the things that we've gone through," said designated hitter Eugenio Suarez, who delivered the go-ahead RBI double in the ninth inning.

And, yes, everyone knew what he meant, or at least every Venezuelan did. Assigning political motives to an athletic contest is often the most lazy of cliches, but it's impossible to view Venezuela-USA solely through the lens of runs, hits and runners left on base. Not after the United States spent months violating Venezuela's sovereignty, killing its citizens and waylaying its shipping. 

Culminating, of course, with the raid that kidnapped Venezuela's admittedly vile gangster  Nicolas Maduro, and whisked him off to the U.S. -- for the crime, essentially, of denying America access to  Venezuela's oil.

Now a new regime is installed that may or may not play ball with America's own Regime,  and may or may not survive without resorting to Maduro-esque brutality. In any event, it's welcome to more instability for another South American country.

So, yes. Venezuela needed this happiness, as Suarez said. And if winning a baseball game is pale business compared to getting kicked around geopolitically by a perceived bully, it was at least, for one night, a sliver of payback.

Gloria Al Bravo Pueblo 1, The Star-Spangled Banner 0. For one night, anyway.

Meanwhile, in soccer ...

 The World Cup is coming to America this summer, and, as with so much in these fraught and lunatic days, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Inviting the world to come to a nation that fears and despises most of the world will do this to a guy.

In our post-funny farm reality, after all, "America First," is little more than shorthand for "America Says (Bleep) All Y'all." This is especially true right now of Iran, which the U.S. and Israel are currently bombing back to the Stone Age for fun and profit.

Here's the thing, though: Iran's soccer team has duly qualified for the World Cup. It's on the World Cup schedule. Its first two games are against New Zealand and Belgium in Los Angeles.

However.

However, now that we've attacked Iran, and Iran has retaliated, Iran's participation in the World Cup has become problematical. An Iran sports official has already said the team shouldn't compete at all.  And our very own Fearless Leader, Donald John "Do What We Say Or We'll Kill You" Trump, has said it would be a good idea if Iran's team stayed home because the U.S. can't guarantee its safety.

Not, "We'll do everything in our power to ensure the Iranian team has a safe, enjoyable tournament." No, sir. Instead, it's,"We can't guarantee the Iranian team's safety."

Which suggests pretty strongly the U.S. wouldn't put a lot of effort into trying to.

Now, that might be a tad unfair. And it's probably too much to say it's tantamount to inviting every flag-draped wack job in America to consider the Iranian soccer team a target of opportunity. More likely, Fearless Leader, as is his habit, simply didn't consider all the consequences of his words.

On the other hand ...

On the other hand, he's so far around the bend now he's forgotten there ever was a bend. So who knows?

In any event, the Iranians' latest solution, rather than staying home altogether, is to get FIFA to move the Iranians' group games to Mexico, whose government seems to at least have retained a modicum of sanity. This would be unprecedented barely three months before the start of play, and indeed FIFA seems to disinclined to do so.

The safe bet right now: FIFA won't move the games, and the Iranians won't come. As someone who spent the balance of his working life observing the healing power of athletic competition (at least sometimes), I find this dismaying -- if hardly surprising in this case.

Healing, after all, doesn't seem to be on anyone's agenda these days. Only smashing things up.

Bracketology ... ology

 So Selection Sunday is over, and now we know what's what in the coming Madness. Which means, sharpen up those pencils so you can pick Siena to knock out overall 1-seed Duke in the very first round.

(I'm kidding, of course. Duke won't lose until the Sweet Sixteen, when the Blue Devils lose to upset-minded Northern Iowa.)

Anyway, the bracket is bracketed, or something, and I must say there are travesties, as usual. Poor Auburn, a glittering hidden gem of a .500 team, didn't get in, which left Bruce Pearl all grumpy. And while the selection committee begrudgingly let 31-1 Miami (O.) into the show, it's making the RedHawks have to win a play-in game against SMU to really get in. 

(Which, all kidding aside, really is a travesty. Not when the sixth-place team in Conference USA gets in free and clear, and also the third-place team in the CAA and the fifth-place team from the SoCon.)

(Those would be Kennesaw State, Hofstra and Furman, respectively. Kennesaw lost 13 games, Hofstra 10 and Furman 12. Hofstra and Furman have cool nicknames, though -- the Pride and the Paladins, respectively -- so I can't hate on 'em too much. Plus one of my favorite authors, the late Pat Conroy, a point guard at The Citadel, played against Furman back in the day.)

"What's with all the parentheses, Mr. Blob?" you're saying now.

Beats me. I just start writing and stuff happens.

"Also, are you EVER gonna mention Purdue, for God's sake?" you're also saying.

Yes, I suppose we should get around to that.

That's because the Purdues rose from the dead last week to win the Big Ten tournament, kicking No. 1 seed Michigan's high-falutin' behinds from stem to stern in the title game. The Boilers won 80-72, never looking back -- well, almost never -- after breaking a halftime tie and leading by as many as 14 points in the second half. 

Oscar Cluff (21 points) and Trey Kaufman-Renn (20), suddenly absolute beasts down low, put a hurtin' on Michigan's gargantuan front line. Braden Smith put up a stat line for the ages -- 14 points, five rebounds, 11 assists, three steals a block and zero, zippo, nada turnovers -- and running mate Fletcher Loyer added 14 points, four boards and five dimes of his own.

And before you ask ...

No, I don't know what's gotten into the Purdues, but it's powerful stuff. They blew through four opponents in four days, none of them one-possession final scores. If I had to guess, I'd say head coach Matt Painter said one of two things to them prior to heading for Chicago:

1. "OK, guys. It's time to quit screwing around."

2. "OK, guys. We've kidnapped all your parents and are making them eat dorm food. NOW will you quit screwing around?"

In any case, Purdue enters the Madness playing impeccable basketball, and it was rewarded with the 2-seed in the West Regional. The Purdues play the Blob's favorite no-hoper Queens University in the first round, then would likely have to wade through either Miami (Fla.) or Missouri, Gonzaga and Arizona to get the Final Four. 

Some people think that means the selection committee did the Boilers dirty again. The Blob figures Purdue was possibly looking at a 4-seed going into the Big Ten tournament, so the Boilers should take their 2-seed and be thankful for it. Plus, it stands to reason to get to the Final Four you're going to have to beat a heavyweight or two at some point, so what else is new?

"How about that favorite no-hoper thing?" you're saying now.

Well, yes, I still love my Royals, especially Rex the Royal, their fuzzy lion-thing mascot with the battered crown. But I can't take them over Purdue, so I've recruited an emergency backup no-hoper.

Come on down, you Siena Saints!

Who, OK, probably should have been in a play-in game instead of Miami, too, on account of they've lost 11 games and finished third in the MAAC, whatever that is. But their two best players are a Gavin and a Justice, and how do you not love that?

Gavin is Gavin Doty, a 6-5 guard from Fulton, N.Y., who leads the Saints in scoring (17.9 ppg) and rebounding (7.0 rpg). Justice is Justice Shoats, who's 5-11, hails from Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and averages 13.2 points and 4.4 assists.

The Saints are probably going to get laminated by Duke, but, then again, maybe not. I mean, it's a Saint against a Devil. And who do you like in that matchup?

So, go, you Saints. Your hometown of Loudonville, N.Y., is behind you, and all the Franciscans who run the place, and every one of your 3,500 or so undergrads. 

Also, go, Furman, you Paladins, you. And, go, California Baptist. And, go, Hofstra and Kennesaw State and High Point and Lehigh and all the other littles who every year make the Madness the Madness.

And, yes, go, Purdue.  Play hard, Boilermakers, as Gene Keady always admonished. Your  parents can only take so much Tuna Surprise from the dining service.

Boiler bounce

Well, this is not what we expected. Seems they are full of surprises, these Purdue Boilermakers.

When last seen they were dragging a two-ton anchor into the Big Ten tournament, having lost four of their previous six games -- including four straight in Mackey Arena, where opponents usually come to have their innards rearranged. The bracket bros somehow still had them a 3-seed in the Big Show, but hardly anyone not wearing black-and-gold -- and several who were -- believed it.

And then ...

Wait, what's this?

Purdue 81, Northwestern 68 in its Big Ten tournament opener game in Chicago.

Purdue 74, Nebraska 58 in the quarterfinals.

Purdue 73, UCLA 66 in the semis.

So it's Purdue vs. top-seed Michigan in the championship this afternoon, and what in the name of Braden Smith is going on here?

Well ... Braden Smith, for one thing.

Purdue's indefatigable point guard hasn't scored a whole lot -- he was just 1-of-7 against a crippled UCLA team yesterday -- but he's done some stellar point-guarding dishing 16 assists against Northwestern, 12 against Nebraska and nine more against the Bruins. That's 37 in three games if you're keeping score at home, a Big Ten tournament record.

And among those who've been prime beneficiaries of Smith's largesse?

Trey Kaufman-Renn and Oscar Cluff, who answer to the name "Purdue's inside game."

Awakened from their intermittent slumber by either the Windex gods or a few withering stares from Purdue coach Matt Painter, they've been the most obvious reason for Purdue's own re-awakening. In three tournament games, thanks primarily to TKR and Oscar, the Boilermakers have out-rebounded their opponents by 12, eight and 11 boards, respectively. That's plus-31 on the glass by the Blob's reckoning.

What else?

How about defense?

Well, again, in three tournament games, they've held their opponents to 68, 58 and 66 points, respectively. They've held Northwestern, Nebraska and UCLA to 47-of-113 shooting, or 42 percent. This is a marked improvement over their four losses prior to this week, when opponents torched the Purdues for 86 points per game on 53 percent shooting.

So there you have it. The Boilers have their bounce back -- or at least what Purdue Pete 'n' them assumed at the top of the season their bounce would look like. 

Today?

Well, today, they run into Dusty May's Michigan juggernaut, so the Boiler Bounce more than likely gets bounced.

But, hey. At least there is a Bounce again, right?

Today in names

 I don't know who's going to do what in the conference tournament semifinals and finals this weekend, which means I for sure don't know who's going to A) make the Big Show; and, B) win the Big Show.

What I do know is San Diego State has 'em all beat in one of the Blob's favorite parlor games, Awesome Names I Have Known.

The Aztecs squeezed past New Mexico 64-62 in the Mountain West semifinals yesterday, and now they'll face top seed Utah State in the finals. Utah State is 27-6 and finished 15-5 in the conference, so the Aztecs are probably going to wind up watching the Aggies hoist the championship trophy.

However.

However, you know who saved the 'Tecs yesterday, with 17 points and six rebounds off the bench in 28 minutes?

Kid named Magoon Gwath.

Magoon Gwath!

If there's a better name in all of college basketball this year than that, I've not yet come across it. Plus, he can play a bit. 

He's a 7-foot sophomore out of Euless, Texas, who averages 8.8 points and 4.2 rebounds, and he shoots just shy of 53 percent. Friday was his ninth double-figure scoring effort this season, and he's logged 20 or minutes in a dozen games. So he's well in the Aztec mix.

But, wait, tell 'em what else they've won, Johnny Olsen!

In addition to Magoon Gwath, see, San Diego State also has a player named Pharaoh on their roster.

His full handle is Pharaoh Compton, and he's a 6-7 sophomore from Chicago. Pharaoh doesn't get near the playing time Magoon does; yesterday, he logged just seven minutes and collected a couple of rebounds. 

So to sum up: A Magoon, a Pharaoh and a berth in the conference finals. How do you not root for that?

Yay or nay?

 Your previously unbeaten Miami (O.) Red Hawks got knocked out of the Mid-American Conference Tournament the other day, and so now we wait to see if they get into the Big Tournament at 31-1.

The Blob says yay, on account of even the selection committee wouldn't be that gutless or lint-brained.

Other folks (though not many, truthfully) say nay, citing Quad 1 wins or the hypotenuse of a right triangle or other such esoterica.

The Blob maintains, as it has all along, that if you go 31-1 as a member of the MAC,  snubbing you because of some mathematical hoo-ha would suggest your tournament should not be taken seriously. The MAC, after all, has historically acquitted itself fairly well in the Madness. A 31-1 team from that conference therefore is not likely to embarrass either the Madness, nor the committee that sets its field.

Of course, this would have been a moot point had UMass not jumped up and beaten the Red Hawks the other day. This means, if the committee does the right thing, that the MAC will get two teams into Da Tournament for only the sixth time since the field jumped to 64 teams 41 years ago. The last time it happened was 27 years ago, when Kent State won the MAC tournament after -- you guessed it -- Miami won the regular-season title.

And so deja vu all over again, as Miami again awaits an at-large bid after blowing through the MAC regular season without a nick. 

In the Blob's world this means Miami should have already secured the MAC's automatic bid, because I cling to the antiquated (and thus unpopular) opinion that the team that wins the regular season ought to get the nod over, say, a "meh" team that gets hot for four days. The former proved itself the conference's best over the long haul; the latter simply happened upon a bag of magic beans.

And, yes, I know, this would reduce the conference tournament to mere sideshow. But on this one I stand with John Wooden, who once told me conference tournaments were nothing but an additional revenue stream for said conferences.

So, let them be that. And if the regular-season champ doesn't win it, whoever does will at least get a nice trophy out of the deal, and maybe a banner to hang in the home gym.

And what's wrong with that?

'Cat food

 Your Indiana Hoosiers checked out of the basketball season last night -- I suppose we should say probably checked out, or more than likely checked out -- and suddenly the taunt comes back to me, ancient now, an artifact moldering away in the history books like those five NCAA championship banners hanging at one end of Assembly Hall.

The taunt went like this, back in the days when Bob Knight and his mighty Hoosier legions used to come to Welsh-Ryan Arena and tattoo the Northwestern Wildcats eleventy-hundred to twelve or whatever:

That's all right ... that's OK ... you'll all work for us someday!

That was the go-to for those snobby smart punks in the Northwestern student section when the game was hopelessly lost. The implication, of course, being that someday Northwestern grads would be running the country, and IU grads would be asking them, "Would you like to make that a Valu Meal?"

Fast-forward to Wednesday night in the United Center up in Chicago, where it was the Wildcats once again doing the tattooing. 

The final this time was Northwestern 74, Indiana 61 in the first round of the Big Ten tournament, Darian DeVries' crew going down without much of a fight. Leading by a point at the break, the Hoosiers were outscored 38-24 in the second half, getting nothing from pretty much everyone except Lamar Wilkerson, who scored 17, and Tatyon Conerway off the bench, who added 14.

Except for Wilkerson, no Indiana starter scored more than six points. And the Hoosiers' two big men, Sam Alexis and Reed Bailey, managed all of two rebounds in a combined 50 minutes of playing time.

Two rebounds. In 50 minutes.

Northwestern's Nick Martinelli, meanwhile, flame-broiled Indiana again, going for 28 points on 10-of-18 shooting. This was just a couple of weeks after he dropped 28 on the Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoosiers in Assembly Hall, as IU blew a big lead and lost 72-68.

It was one more "L" in a season-ending spiral that saw DeVries' guys lose six of their last seven games and likely fall out of the NCAA Tournament picture, although somehow the bracket bros still have them on the bubble. The loss also was a significant one, because it was Indiana's sixth straight to Northwestern going back to 2021.

Wednesday's loss made it seven straight. 'Cat food, apparently, is what the Hoosiers of the 2020s are right now.

And now the ancient taunt resurfaces, if slightly altered. It goes like this now:

That's all right ... that's OK ... at least your football team can play!

Who'd a thunk it?