Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Today's dispatch from Idiotville

 I know what we've all been saying. The fans make the event, right?

And so numerous tributes, paeans and huzzahs have been raised since Sportsball World started letting fans back into the house again, because sports are nothing but children's games without the fans and it's all just a lot of meaningless blockin' and tacklin' and pitchin' and catchin' if they're not there. It's a silent move in a Dolby Surround Sound world, an ocean cruise that never leaves port.

This is true, mostly.

Here's what is also true, however: The fans are frequently idiots.

Which brings us to the christening the other night of the new football stadium in L.A., which apparently is wondrous and magical and and, you know, like Oz or Candyland or Far Far Away, sort of. The occasion was a preseason game between the city's two NFL teams, the Rams and the Chargers, which prompted some of the fans in attendance to celebrate the way some NFL fans tend to celebrate.

In other words, to engage in a big-ass brawl.

Now, I suppose the Blob could list this as one of the many reasons it tends to give NFL games a miss, which include the extortionist ticket costs and adult beverage costs and concessions costs and parking costs. It's a variation on the old joke about team owners: How do you build a modest nest egg? Start with a hefty nest egg and take your family to an NFL game.

Also, don't forget the crash helmet and body armor.

Because, listen, this sort of thing happens all too often at NFL games, particularly in the upper reaches of stadiums where the weather is frequently drunkest. But that's not what elevates what happened in L.A. to a special class of dumbass-ery.

It's the fact that it happened at a preseason game. Between the Rams and the Chargers, two teams that do not exactly call to mind Bears-Packers, Steelers-Browns or Cowboys-Washington as a particularly legendary rivalry.

Few things are less worth getting brawling-worked-up-about than a preseason game.  Even fewer things are less worth it than a preseason game between the Rams and the Chargers. If there were such a thing as a "Meh" Bowl, this would be a frontrunner.

So congratulations, idiots. Way to christen your new stadium in a way that puts all other idiots to shame.

Fans, man. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

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