One more open letter to England from its former colony, which feels its pain, sort of, seeing as how the U.S. lost in ITS game (basketball) the other day to Nigeria, a nation we used to beat by sixty gazillion points back in the day:
Greetings, John Bull!
Sorry about the loss, man.
Sorry, but ... come on, now. Wasn't this just so England, blowing the early lead by playing wuss soccer and then gagging on the penalty kicks? Three missed PKs in a row, what the hell was THAT?
Nobody misses three PKs in a row at this level. Especially on their own soil.
But your lads did, and Italy hoisted the Euro Cup in Wembley Stadium, which had to be England's worst footie moment since, I don't know, the last one, maybe. America sympathizes, kinda. We'd sympathize a lot more if y'all weren't such sore losers, but you are what you are, one supposes.
And so we shouldn't have been surprised when your lads took off their runnerup medals as soon as they were draped around their necks, even though it's apparently common in Footie World. That still doesn't mean it isn't low-rent bullstuff, no matter who's doing it.
And then there was that scene at Wembley's gates, when England's legendary soccer hoodlums set upon fans trying to sneak in without a ticket, punching and kicking them when they were on the ground while security stood around with their thumbs up their arses. Classy business, that.
Anyway ... sorry. Sort of.
Just remember: You'll always have '66.
With slightly less affection,
America.
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