They don't light the Olympic torch in Tokyo until Friday, but already there is a medal count of sorts. South Africa is leading.
This is because the South African soccer team already has three confirmed cases of the Bastard Plague in their contingent, two players and an official. This puts the South Africans one up on the Olympic Village, which already has two confirmed cases, and two up on the IOC, which has one confirmed case: Ryu Sueng-min of South Korea, a former Olympic gold medalist in table tennis.
Meanwhile, in an attempt to head off what's almost certain to be the super-spreader gold medalist of all time, Olympic officials have tried to head off any hanky-panky between the athletes by building beds in the Village out of cardboard. The theory is, any horizontal bopping going on will be thwarted because the beds will be too flimsy to hold more than one person.
Come on, now. You really think the Blob could make THAT up?
Or make up what IOC president Thomas Bach said last week, which is there was "zero" risk of athletes in the Village passing the virus to one another?
You could almost hear him whistling as the graveyard came up.
And again the Blob asks: Why are we doing this again?
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