And now today's update for the Tokyo Olympics, which begin in about two weeks and are shaping up to be the biggest cluster you-know-what since Nikolas of Thebes took a shortcut to win the marathon back in 414 BC.
In the latest episode, Japan has declared a state of emergency as Tokyo finds itself in the midst of yet another Bastard Plague surge. This could potentially mean the Olympics will be conducted entirely without spectators; foreign visitors have already been banned from the Games.
Also, no alcohol will be served at these Games.
What a thrilling, unforgettable spectacle THIS will be!
I mean, if you like sporting events conducted largely in front of echoes and the moaning of the breeze through vast prairies of empty seats, that is.
Imagine some swimmer winning the usual eleventy-hundred swimming gold medals with that as the backdrop. Or the marathon coursing through deserted streets. Or the opening ceremonies, the athletes of all the nations marching in and waving to ...
Well. To a bunch of seatbacks, primarily.
And if you're asking here what's the point, you're asking the right question. If the whole stated purpose of the Olympic Games is to bring the world together, what do you call them when the world's not allowed to come?
The Asterisk Games? The One-Hand-Clapping Games? The Why Are We Doing This Games?
I say all three. Which is why the Blob hereby declares them open, and also closed.
Update: It's official. There will be no spectators at these Olympics. Why are we doing this again?
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