* -- As in, "Most Vulnerable Player."
That would be whatever individual of poor judgment and even poorer desire to continue living dared to make a hockey play against an opposing player named "Vladimir Putin." Imagine if you put a body on the guy, or cleaned him out of the slot. Imagine you were a goalie, and you made a kick-save-and-a-beauty against him as a goaltender.
Prolly go something like this ...
Putin: Great save, Yuri!
Two scary guys in trenchcoats: Come with us, Yuri. We must talk.
After which no one ever sees Yuri again, until a hunter stumbles on some human remains deep in the Urals.
It's a fate not even the toughest of hockey players would care to tempt, which is why this happened the other day during a game in Russia.
Yes, that's right, boys and girls. Putin scored eight goals in one game. Clearly this is because he's an athletic marvel with a skill set that combines the best of Alexander Maltsev and Helmut Balderis from the old Soviet juggernaut, and contemporary Russian stars like Alex Ovechkin and Pavel Datsyuk.
What's that you say?
No, I'm not kidding. You should see the guy. He's freakin' amazing.
Come again?
No, this is not at all like the time that Kim guy in North Korea took up golf and shot a 27 on the North's toughest course his first time out. This is nothing like that. Absolutely not. No, no, no, no.
Now can the scary guys in trenchcoats hanging around outside my house please leave, Vlad?
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