Sunday, May 23, 2021

A brief Piratical interlude

 And now a name of which you surely have never heard: Wilmer Difo.

Don't feel bad. Wilmer's a position player for my cruddy Pittsburgh Pirates, and even I'd never heard of him.

Until the other night, that is.

The other night, see, the Cruds -- firmly settled now in their ancestral home, last place in the NL Central -- lost to the Atlanta Braves, 20-1. This is because the Atlanta Braves are a major-league team, and the Cruds only wear the costume. Which is to say, every day of the baseball season is just a dress rehearsal for Halloween for the Cruds.

And Wilmer Difo?

Well, the other night, he came dressed as a pitcher.

The Cruds put him out there in the eighth inning because they were already down by a dozen runs, so why the hell not. They'd already played him at second base, shortstop, third base and all three outfield positions during his time in Pittsburgh; might as well add a seventh position to his resume.

Suffice to say Wilmer's major-league pitching debut was ... not good.

Before he fled the scene of the crime, Wilmer had given up three walks, three doubles, two singles, a sacrifice fly and a grand slam. Oh, and also eight runs, all of them earned.

That makes Wilmer the proud owner of an MLB record: Highest ERA ever for a single pitcher in at least one inning.

A proud moment for  both Wilmer and the Cruds, to be sure.

OK. So not really.

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