Rushmored

So Our Only Available Impeached President apparently inquired of South Dakota's governor what it would take to get his mug on Mt. Rushmore, and I hope he was joking. I suspect he was -- though it's hard to tell sometimes with OOAIP, who has no sense of humor that doesn't involve juvenile putdowns of anyone who dares point out the invisibility of the emperor's clothes.

It's just as likely, therefore, that he wasn't joking, malignant narcissist that he is. The punchlines write themselves, if so.

Something involving God and lightning. Just a guess.

In any event, if Donny can shoulder his way onto the mountain with Teddy, Abe, George and Tom, it gets one wondering what comparable folks could wind up on various athletic Mt. Rushmores.

I have some thoughts:

BASEBALL: Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays and ... Willie Mays Hayes from "Major League." (First alternate: Tanner Boyle from "Bad News Bears.)

FOOTBALL: Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Jim Brown, Walter Payton and ... Uncle Rico from "Napoleon Dynamite." (First alternate: Billy Bob from "Varsity Blues.")

BASKETBALL: Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, LeBron James, Larry Bird and ... Salami from "The White Shadow." (First alternate: Ollie from "Hoosiers.")

HOCKEY: Gordie Howe, Wayne Gretzky, Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux and ... Ogie Oglethorpe from "Slapshot." (First alternate: Bleep Eddie Shore, also from "Slapshot.")

"But Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "None of your additions is a real athlete. They just play one on TV."

Well ... yeah.

But remember who we're spoofing.