Saturday, February 1, 2020

Prognostificationation, or something

Everyone asks. It's what people do when you're a former sportswriter who ran off at the mouth for a bunch of years like he knew what he was talking about, which led to the unfortunate consequence that some folks think you  actually do know what you're talking about.

And so, the question: "What's gonna happen in the Super Bowl?"

At which point I resist the urge to go Full Wiseass and say there will probably be some blocking and tackling involved, and some throwin' and catchin', and maybe some kickin' and ball-luggin'. Touchdowns might happen. Field goals could make an appearance. An overly officious zebra will enter from stage left to throw a flag at some imaginary infraction, because, hey, the Chiefs and 49ers ain't the only show out here, folks.

And then, the halftime show! Starring Georg Frederick Sebastian Ludwig Mozart or some similar star from yesteryear.

But I digress.

What's gonna happen in the Super Bowl?

Like I know.

I've been going over and over it in my head, plowed through all the percentages and spread sheets and charts and graphs, even read what Chris Berman thinks, God help me. And I'm still in coin flip country.

Only thing I keep coming back to is this: The Chiefs have Patrick Mahomes, and the 49ers do not.

And, yes, I know the 49ers have that scary running game and that even scarier defense, with the best defensive front in football. I know they made Aaron Rodgers and the Packers work to get to 20 points in the NFC title game. And I know, historically, dominant defenses tend to, well, dominate in the Big Roman Numeral.

And yet ... the Chiefs have Patrick Mahomes, and the 49ers do not.

I went back and did some research, and what I found is that quarterbacks with Mahomes' skill set do  not come along very often, if ever. And when they do, they tend to look a lot like Russell Wilson of the Seahawks or Kyler Murray of the Cardinals or Lamar Jackson of the Ravens.

Wilson passed for 465 yards and three touchdowns in two meetings with the 49ers this year, one a 27-21 win. Murray passed for 391 yards and five scores in two meetings. And Lamar threw for 105, ran for 101 and accounted for two touchdowns for the Ravens in a 20-17 win.

I don't know if this means the 49ers will have trouble slowing down Mahomes. But everyone else has, so it's hard to think the Niners will be anymore than intermittently successful in doing so, scary D or not.

And so (deep breath, slow exhale): Chiefs 34, Niners 31.

Bookmark for future ridicule.

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