Lessons, unlearned

This is not how you play it, in case there was any doubt. You do not cheat your glutes off, get caught, are somehow still allowed to keep the World Series banner you cheated your glutes off to acquire, and say, "Yeah, but ..."

No. Sorry. "Yeah, but ..." is not the appropriate response.

The appropriate response, if you're Houston Asterisk-os owner Jim Crane is something like this: "It's true, we gamed the absolute hell out of the system. In doing so, we disrespected not only our opponents, but the game itself. And because that's something no one who loves baseball should ever, ever do, our position is that we -- and by 'we,' I mean 'I' -- got off easy. Rob Manfred could have stripped our 2017 title and booted my entitled ass out of the MLB owners' club, but he didn't. And for that I am grateful.

"We've learned our lesson. Never, ever again will the Houston Astros blacken the good name of baseball. Never, ever again will we be a baseball swear word."

That's what you say. That's how you do it.

Instead, as pitchers and catchers reported down there in West Palm Beach, Jim Crane, in so many words, said "Yeah, but ..."

Yeah, but ... (cheating our glutes off) didn't impact the game.

Yeah, but ... I'm not responsible for what my organization does, those crazy kids.

Yeah, but ...

Yeah, but ...

Yeah, but ...

Holy guacamole. That is some serious self-immolation going on right there.

Not to mention an odd application of  the principles of logic.

Because, listen, saying the Astros' sign-stealing scheme didn't impact the game -- in other words, didn't really matter -- is like saying the Russians getting three shots at a last-second shot in the '72 Olympics didn't really matter. It's like saying Rosie Ruiz riding a bus to victory in the Boston Marathon didn't really matter. It's like saying the President of the United States can break any law he wants as long as he decides it's in his -- er, the country's -- best interests.

Oh, wait. That was what Our Only Available Impeached President's lawyers argued in his impeachment trial. OK, so bad example.

I don't know this for sure, because I wasn't there. But wouldn't you have loved it if someone -- anyone -- had asked Crane the obvious question?

"So, Jim, if the sign stealing didn't really matter, why did it take you all of a nanosecond to fire Hinch and Luhnow?"

Would have loved to have been in the room for that response.