And now ... Other Football!

So now that Patrick Mahomes is off to Disney World and half of America has been scandalized at the spectacle of two scantily-clad women shaking their booties like, I don't know, practically every NFL cheerleader ever, football is finally over and we can all look forward to ... more football.

It's the Return of the XFL, people!

Coming to you this weekend just like the original XFL came to you, and also the fabled Alliance of American Football (AAF) -- which was the XFL with different letters, and whose lifespan failed to exceed that of the Iowa caucuses, speaking of total clusters.

This XFL will be different than First XFL and Other XFL, we're told, because it will feature some radical rule changes that will promote faster, more continuous action. It could achieve this simply by playing with a running clock, but no one wants that much continuous action. Let soccer keep that for itself.

The XFL is also pushing other differences between it and First XFL and Other XFL, in that it promises to give fans real football players people have really heard of. This does not mean the XFL has outbid the Patriots for Tom Brady or the Saints for Drew Brees, understand. According to Jordan Heck of The Sporting News, who's compiled a list of XFL players here, it means the XFL has successfully outbid every team in the NFL for the services of, um, Brogan Roback.

Whose name might not leap immediately to mind when considering accomplished pro quarterbacks, on account of he isn't one. But apparently he played a big role in "Hard Knocks" one year, so there you go.

Seriously. That's Brogan Roback's selling point.

Elsewhere, per Heck, you'll thrill to the exploits of Josh Johnson, a distinguished member of 13 NFL rosters. Also Matt McGloin, another esteemed NFL castoff. Also Connor Cook, Cardale Jones and Aaron Murray, who last made headlines at Michigan State, Ohio State and Georgia, respectively.

Michigan State, Ohio State and Georgia are not new NFL franchises Roger Goodell wants to put in London or Istanbul or someplace. They're college teams.

Now, I suppose the XFL might therefore get some Spartan, Buckeye and Bulldog alums to tune in the XFL. Or maybe some Navy tars to tune in to see Keenan Reynolds, a former Navy quarterback who once finished fifth -- fifth! -- in the Heisman voting. Or maybe some Steelers fans to tune in to see wideouts Sammie Coates and Eli Rogers, former Steelers receivers.

"Hey, I remember when we cut those guys," Steeler Fan will remember fondly.

Look. I hope the XFL is more successful than the AAF, or even the Iowa caucuses. But no matter how much you gimmick it up, it will still be minor league football, populated by minor league players. There's simply no getting around it.

Only one startup professional football league has successfully competed with the NFL, and that of course is the old AFL. It happened because the NFL only had 13 teams then. This meant that the pool of available talent was far deeper, and so was the pool of available owners with NFL-deep pockets.

Consequently, the AFL owners were able to outbid the NFL for top draft picks. The early AFL had a whole pile of players who would otherwise have been standouts in the NFL -- players such as LSU Heisman Trophy winner Billy Cannon, the marquee name in the AFL's inaugural season, when the new league stunned the NFL by signing 75 percent of its first-round picks.

Then along came Sonny Werblin of the Jets, who money-whipped the brightest star in the 1965 draft, Joe Namath, away from the NFL. The NFL agreed to a merger a year later.

None of that could possibly happen today, which is why the XFL can only hope to succeed to a certain degree. If it succeeds enough to hang around for three or four years, that will constitute victory. By then, after all, the Iowa caucuses might actually be over.

With Brogan Roback declared the winner. Why not.