History's witness. (So-called).

And now a couple of lines from Mary Chapin Carpenter's tribute to 9/11 workers, "Grand Central Station" -- which, like another song by Carly Simon, Our Only Available President probably thinks is about him:

Tomorrow, I'll be back there, workin' on the pile
Going in, comin' out, single file ...

To which OOAP no doubt would respond: "Yeah, I remember those days. Tough. Very, very tough."

This on account of what he said the other day, while signing the first responders' bill Jon Stewart basically shamed Congress into passing. Seems Our Boy Donny was down there with 'em all, too -- although, charitably, he said he didn't consider himself a first responder. But he was right there with 'em, by God. Like, a lot. Not his fault no one remembers him being there, or that there's not an iota of evidence he ever was.

Those, after all, are facts. And who needs facts in OOAP's America?

No, in OOAP's America, he's Forrest Gump, present and accounted for at a bunch of America's signature moments. This includes a lot of America's signature moments in sports, too, although OOAP has thus far been too modest to bring them up. But by golly, the Blob remembers that time when ...

* ... Our Boy got sick, very, very sick, had to go to the hospital, even. And then Babe Ruth stopped by, and he promised to hit a home run for him. And he did it!

* ... Our Boy was playing defensive back for the Oakland Raiders, and Terry Bradshaw threw that one pass, and it bounced off Our Boy's helmet and went right to Franco Harris! The Immaculate Reception! Our Boy couldn't believe it! And then when they said it actually bounced off Jack Tatum's helmet ... wrong. Very, very wrong.

* ... Our Boy was playing for the Brooklyn Dodgers the year Jackie Robinson broke the color line, and there was this one game where everyone was booing him and calling him names, very bad names, and Our Boy went up to Jackie and put his arm around him! See, he's no racist! And never mind that everyone says it was Pee Wee Reese who did that ...

Wrong. Very, very wrong.

* ... Our Boy made the block that Bart Starr followed into the end zone for the winning touchdown in the Ice Bowl. Boy, it was cold that day! You can't believe how cold it was! And then Jerry Kramer took credit for the block, even though everyone knows it was Our Boy. So terrible of Kramer to do that! Such a liar!

* ... Our Boy scored the winning goal in the Miracle on Ice game, and also played goalie, making all those great saves in the last 10 minutes. U-S-A! U-S-A! What a night! And so what if everyone remembers it was Mike Eruzione who scored the winning goal, and Jim Craig making all those great saves? Fake news!

I mean, who ya gonna believe? Our Boy, or your lying eyes?