Saturday, February 27, 2016

Questions, anyone?

You gotta love the NFL combine, guys in shorts and catsuits running 40s while scouts and other assorted geeks look on with comic intensity. It's what a cattle call would be if you measured the cattles' vertical leap, and also asked them questions designed to reveal the cattles' character -- but which actually say a lot more about the character of the questioners.

The whole deal is kind of like those scenes in "The Right Stuff" where prospective astronauts are subjected to all manner of bizarre tests while creepy doctors in white lab coats look on with utter soullessness.  That's especially true during the interview process, in which questions don't just come out of left field but some galaxy far, far beyond it.

Maybe you missed it, but a former NFL defensive end named Austen Lane agreed this week to reveal some of the stranger questions he was asked during his combine experience. Again, they reveal far more about the people asking the questions than the NFL hopefuls answering them.

One guy, for instance, asked Lane if he thought his mother was attractive. 

(Um, gee, dude, I don't know. Sounds like SOME-body's got mommy issues, though).

Another question: "I see you have dreads. You smoke weed, don't you?"

(Well, let's see. I'm black, I have dreads, so, yes, I must smoke dope. I guess that question explains the Trump sticker on your car).

Another question: "If you could kill someone and not get caught, would you?" And also, "If you had to murder someone, would you use a gun or a knife?"

(Wow. Two questions about killing people. Didn't I see you on a "Criminal Minds" episode?)

Now, I'm sure Lane was only thinking all that, which explains the use of italics. But wouldn't you have loved it if he'd actually responded to any of the aforementioned questions that way? And wouldn't you have loved to have seen the response from the scout asking the questions?

I'm sure his verdict would have been "Not ready for our league. Attitude issues."

Which, I don't know, I would find strange. It's the NFL. Don't you kinda want guys with attitude issues, at least to a certain extent?

One more dumb question.

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