And now this week’s edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the bigly Blob feature of which critics have said, “Hey, you ain’t all THAT bigly,” and also “Come over here, Bigly, and lemme small-ify you.”:
1. “Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Told ya we were bigly good!” (The Dallas Cowboys, after paving the floundering, Jalen Hurts-less Eagles 38-21 to get to, um, 3-4 on the season)
2. “Hey, lookit us, baby! We’re 5-2 and you’re not! If that ain’t bigly good, what is?” (The Cleveland Browns, after squeaking by the 1-6 Tennessee Titans)
3. “Yeah, but it was the 1-6 Titans.” (Unimpressed America)
4. “Yeah, but that sorry Deshaun Watson’s still your quarterback.” (Also unimpressed America)
5. In other news, the Dolphins won a game; the previously 1-5 Buccaneers crushed the Panthers 43-13; the previously winless Dolphins beat the Jets in the Meadowlands; the previously 2-4 not-really-the-Super-Bowl-favorite-anymore Rams trucked the Raiders; and the Giants scraped by the Texans with Cam Skattebo and JJ Abrams, er, McCarthy, at quarterback.
6. “See? We do not either suck!” (The Rams, the Bucs, the Giants)
7. “But we do!” (The Raiders)
8. “And we kinda did Sunday!” (The Panthers and Texans)
9. “Hey, we beat the Jets on the road! You know how hard that is?” (The Dolphins)
10. “Eh, not very.” (Unimpressed America — and thoroughly disgusted Jets fans.)
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