Too little ...

 Timing is everything, they say, except when it's not. And so let us first say this morning that the Boston Red Sox finally scored some runs yesterday.

Like, 17 of them.

Paved the Baltimore Orioles like a four-lane highway, 17-1.

And then ...

And then the Red Sox poobahs fired everyone.

Well, OK. So not everyone.

Only manager Alex Cora, the bench coach, the hitting coach, the assistant hitting coach, the third-base coach and the hitting strategy coach were served their walking papers. A sixth coach -- Jason Varitek, who's been with the organization for 30 years -- was "reassigned to a new role within the organization," probably because he's Jason Varitek.

(Of course, "reassigned to a new role within the organization" pretty much lives right next door to being fired. Think Milton Waddams and his stapler being "reassigned" to a basement storeroom in "Office Space.")

Now, if you're thinking here this all seems a tad drastic, given it's only April 25 in a season that stretches into the first blush of October ... well, that's certainly fair. But the Red Sox are off to a 10-17 start, which doesn't sound all that dreadful until you consider it's the second-worst record in the American League and the third worst in MLB.

Heck, even the Chicago What Sox (11-16) and the Colorado Rockheads (11-16) are a game better. The only teams worse are the Houston Astros (10-18), the hideous New York Mutts (9-17) and the appalling Philadelphia Phooeys (9-18). The latter are so bad they're already 10 games (OK, so 9.5) out of first in the NL East after just 26 games.

Extrapolate that out to a full 162-game season, and the Phooeys are on track to finish 59 games behind. That's impressive.

But back to the Red Sox.

If timing is everything, you've got to wonder how hard the Red Sox braintrust was smacking itself in the forehead when yesterday's score came down. The Blob's frequently over-active imagination figures the conversation went something like this:

Braintrust Guy No. 1: So, it's decided then. We're firing everybody but Varitek, who's being reassigned to the broom closet on the second floor.

All The Other Braintrust Guys (in unison): Huzzah!

Braintrust Guy No. 1: Now we just gotta deci-

Junior Braintrust Guy In The Back: Uh, boss?

Braintrust Guy No. 1: Milton! I told you never to interrupt me!

Junior Braintrust Guy: But ... but ...

No. 1: But what?

Junior: Um, we beat the Orioles 17-1 today.

All The Other Braintrust Guys: WHAT??

Junior: Um, yeah. 17-1.

No. 1: Well, that's great. That's. Just. Great. We're about to clear out almost our whole staff in April, which will make us look like a bunch of jittery goobers as it is. Now we're going to do it right after we scored 17 runs? And we're doing it mainly because WE HAVEN'T BEEN SCORING ANY RUNS?

We're gonna look like complete idiots.

Random Braintrust Guy: Well ... except for the fact that right now we're even worse than the White Sox and the Rockies.

(Brief pause as everyone reflects on the horror of that)

Braintrust Guy No. 1: True. Aw, to hell with it, let's do it. We'll just fall back on the old "too little, too late" defense.

(Everyone high-fives.  Junior Braintrust Guy says he'll spring for drinks.)